The Brave Podcast

Breaking the Silence with Tiffany Bluhm

March 17, 2021 Alexis Newlin Season 2 Episode 59
Breaking the Silence with Tiffany Bluhm
The Brave Podcast
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The Brave Podcast
Breaking the Silence with Tiffany Bluhm
Mar 17, 2021 Season 2 Episode 59
Alexis Newlin

 Have you ever been abused in a secular or spiritual space?
 Tiffany Bluhm shares her personal experience with abuse and how it left her faced with a choice to stay silent or speak up in her newest book, Prey Tell. She talks about the importance of being brave and speaking out, no matter what the cost may be.  You deserve to live your life without fear of being silenced by someone else's power over you. And we want to help you do that by giving you tools for healing and empowerment so that one day, when your voice is strong enough, you can share your story too.
Tiffany Bluhm is the author of She Dreams and Never Alone and cohost of the podcastWhy Tho. She's committed to encouraging people of faith to live with conviction, substance, and grace. As a minority, immigrant woman with an interracial family, she is passionate about inviting all to the table of faith, equality, justice, and dignity. 

Follow the Brave  Podcast

Learn more about Tiffany and check out her latest book!

Let's shop!

The Drifted Drum has apparel, gifts, and decor that are faith inspired and hand crafted by local artists in Tennessee.  See something you like?   Use the code "Brave" at checkout to receive 10% off your purchase.
Share a positive message with the clothing you wear;check out AlwaysHumble Apparel!  This Fresno based apparel company has the goal to motive and inspire others. 

Do you LOVE bagels? Coffee? Just plain joy?

Guys, one of my new favorite spots to visit is Clingans Junction. It's a quaint little coffee shop in Squaw Valley that is on the way to Kings Canyon National Park. If you're a Fresno local or you ever visit this area, you gotta stop here. Yummy homemade pastries and delish coffee await you.  

Wanna learn more about me? Check out my website! 

Love the Brave Podcast? 

Support the Show.

Show Notes Transcript

 Have you ever been abused in a secular or spiritual space?
 Tiffany Bluhm shares her personal experience with abuse and how it left her faced with a choice to stay silent or speak up in her newest book, Prey Tell. She talks about the importance of being brave and speaking out, no matter what the cost may be.  You deserve to live your life without fear of being silenced by someone else's power over you. And we want to help you do that by giving you tools for healing and empowerment so that one day, when your voice is strong enough, you can share your story too.
Tiffany Bluhm is the author of She Dreams and Never Alone and cohost of the podcastWhy Tho. She's committed to encouraging people of faith to live with conviction, substance, and grace. As a minority, immigrant woman with an interracial family, she is passionate about inviting all to the table of faith, equality, justice, and dignity. 

Follow the Brave  Podcast

Learn more about Tiffany and check out her latest book!

Let's shop!

The Drifted Drum has apparel, gifts, and decor that are faith inspired and hand crafted by local artists in Tennessee.  See something you like?   Use the code "Brave" at checkout to receive 10% off your purchase.
Share a positive message with the clothing you wear;check out AlwaysHumble Apparel!  This Fresno based apparel company has the goal to motive and inspire others. 

Do you LOVE bagels? Coffee? Just plain joy?

Guys, one of my new favorite spots to visit is Clingans Junction. It's a quaint little coffee shop in Squaw Valley that is on the way to Kings Canyon National Park. If you're a Fresno local or you ever visit this area, you gotta stop here. Yummy homemade pastries and delish coffee await you.  

Wanna learn more about me? Check out my website! 

Love the Brave Podcast? 

Support the Show.

Tiffany Bluhm

[00:00:00] Alexis Newlin: [00:00:00] Hey guys, welcome to another episode of the brave podcast. We are now in the third week of March, like I said, time is just flying by. Like nothing. And if you're like me, you're probably recovering from the time change. It doesn't matter. How long that time change has been happening, I still get knocked by that. 

The spring one, it's just, Oh, I hate it. It's time is great because I, at the time of this podcast airing,  I will be on a mini vacation. Because I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out. So I'll  probably be relaxing because I'll be either on pain meds  or something. So , it won't affect me too much because I want to have to go to work when it happens or you just will be, have a few days off recovering from my wisdom teeth being taken out. So. 

. I won't be able to eat hard foods for awhile. And the worst is that we're having tacos. At church on [00:01:00] Saturday three tacos. I can't eat them. I'm Oh, Thing it, if my dentist. Didn't insist on being, getting my wisdom teeth out. I would have left them there. 

You don't bother me, but they bug him. So they got to go anyway. That's a little bit too much about me that you guys didn't really to know, but I told you anyway. Let's get onto today's guest. Today's guest is Tiffany Bluhm. 

Tiffany is an author. She is a fellow podcaster. Her podcast is why though. And she does it with Ashley. Abercrombie  I listened to a few episode. There's a lot of great. Rich content on there. And there's a lot of funny things. So it's definitely a podcast. I recommend you listen to   Now just a warning. This episode deals with some adult topics.  Surrounding abuse of power in the church. 

 And misuse of power in regards to a male, female relationship. And how women have been kind of [00:02:00] trained to be silenced about this and to disregard it. And how you can empower yourself if this ever happens to you, or if you know of a friend this happens to, so Tiffany bloom, this is her whole mantra. 

Of basically giving a voice to women who have been mistreated in this way and either a church setting or even out in the working world, she shares her story of how this impacted her and how this launched her to do. This book and her book is actually landing. I believe it's on the 17th. I don't know, it's the 18th, so Thursday. So the day after this podcast air, so you guys can pick up her book. 

It was really great read. She's very journalistic about it. So she does all this research and gives you all  these articles and all this evidence of things that she has gathered of abuse of women. Throughout the years. It's a great read. Very informative. I implore you to pick it up if you like. All right . So thank you for tuning in and [00:03:00] without further ado, here is my podcast guest, Tiffany Bluhm. .  

 You're  listening to the brave podcast and my guest today is Tiffany Bluhm. So Tiffany I'll have you introduce yourself and tell people why you're awesome.

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:03:14] Tiffany Bluhm, as Alexis  said so well, thank you for pronouncing my last name correctly. And I am an author speaker podcaster myself. I have spent years and years in the nonprofit world, serving women women's empowerment, women's equality issues. I am so excited to release my third book. Pray, tell why was silent, so many tell the truth and how everyone can speak up. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:03:40] Love that. Love that. So let's jump into your book. . What inspired you to write this? This is a topic that's difficult. 

Oh, yeah.

What inspired you to dive into this?

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:03:51] Well, before I explained that, I just have to say, I'm the girl who was like, Oh, women's ministries.

Non-controversial topics. Like, everyone's [00:04:00] awesome. Nobody's doing anything they shouldn't be doing. I'm not the girl who went wading  in controversial waters and was ready to charge the Hill. I'm passionate about justice and reaching women on the margins. . Everything changed when I found myself in the hot seat and I spoke truth to power and delivered sensitive information and found myself to be disposable in the process.

Alexis Newlin: [00:04:21] I'm  with you. I'm  that person that's like, Oh, I don't like controversy or , I'm not confrontational at all, but when something is happening that is wrong. You have to speak up. Yeah If you don't who will?

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:04:31] And it's one of those things I'm with you. I am the last person on earth anyone thought would speak up and raise her voice because most of us we're all playing a self-preservation game.

Our ultimate worship is to security more than we'd like to admit it.

Right. And that self-preservation bleeds into every area of our lives.  When we consider the doors that have been open to us and the opportunities that we have, none of us are looking to lose opportunity and [00:05:00] resources in our platform, in our paycheck to raise the banner for someone else.

Because in my situation, I wasn't the victim. I wasn't the one  taken  advantage of. I was the bystander. So I had to ask myself that ethical question. Is this not my circus, not my monkeys. I don't need to deal with this cause it didn't happen to me. Or you have a role to ensure that every woman feels respected and safe and an equitable spaces.

So it's really that 90% of us who this didn't happen, but we find ourselves in witnessing impropriety and we're like, Oh, am I supposed to do something here? You know anything from something we see at the grocery store to something we see at work or something happening in our church.

Alexis Newlin: [00:05:39] . So let's get into your story a bit. 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:05:40] I spoke up and found myself to be disposable.  , I really thought to myself, you know, this, if this is happening now, surely this is happening to other people. Surely other people are feeling so silenced. And why do women feel like they can't speak up?

If they have something to lose? [00:06:00] Yeah. And so as I journey through that, it's a very journalistic approach to this issue. I combine , scripture with modern history,   and then in the faith context as well.

So there's a lot to it and , I so enjoy the research part of it. And the writing part of 

Alexis Newlin: [00:06:14] I could tell  reading this.  This is like an investigation. I really enjoyed that. I was like, wow, she's really digging all this, these circumstances and evidence. Yeah, 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:06:25] Yeah. So , that's really what led me is just knowing that if this happened to me, this is happening everywhere because we don't want to believe that good men are capable of that things. There's so much dissonance and understanding that somebody who's benevolent or kind or generous is also capable of abusing his power at a woman's expense. We don't want to believe that, but the reality is  it's prevalent and it's happening a lot. And those narcisstic  tendencies, that we often  praise his leadership qualities. Really, really doing some damage.

And we have to be able to know it, recognize [00:07:00] it and work toward safe, equitable spaces.

Alexis Newlin: [00:07:03] , let's go to like this happening in like the area of faith, like in faith based organizations. So if you notice is happening, how do you bring this up?  Say like you see this happen and  it's something who's was like a leader , or pastors and like that.

How do you kind of bring this up and confront this person?  What are your, what are your thoughts? How would you do that? 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:07:26] What a good question. I think first we have to understand how it happens. Yeah.  We were like, how did we get here?  We read something on Christianity today, or CNN, or see a hashtag on Twitter and we're like, Why didn't anybody speak up? How did he get away with it? Why didn't the board or the elders say something? Why didn't the woman come forward earlier? And we have to understand how it happens in the first place to be able to address it. So I would first say understanding a faulty theology that believes patriarchy is inherent in the gospel, believing that men are above women.

That's where we first got to look back and think. But when we go to the [00:08:00] Genesis story and see Adam and Eve created , both in the image and likeness of God and see that it was only after the fall that women were subjugated. Women were treated as second. Women were treated as less. And then in our modern day we, after the time of the reformation and even the printing press, it has been , women are to serve men and to serve your family and to serve your home. And those are all good things. Those aren't bad things, but  at the expense of being seen as equal to men is a problem. And then we look at first century Jesus and we see how he empowered and unleashed women. In fact, the gospel message of the resurrection was left on the shoulders of a woman after the disciples came back in the tomb and they see it empty.

And then we see how this is evident that women belong and they have a voice and it's one to be respected, heard, and heeded.  Because in the first century, a woman couldn't testify in court, she would be accused of personal gain  or out of fear, she would lie. [00:09:00] And she was seen as low as a slave. She was property for goodness sake.

And so in our modern day that has really seeped into our legal system. And how we deal with this now. And,  as early as the late 18 hundreds, unless a woman could prove she didn't enjoy being harassed or assaulted, then there was no issue. She had to approve it even with no witnesses. How would you prove that?

Right. And even the vernacular of the word, harassment or assault or imbalance of power or massaging, all of these are relatively new terms, especially harassment and assault coined in the late sixties, early seventies. So women didn't even have the vernacular and vocabulary to describe their experiences.

When speaking up, let alone in faith circles. , let's say a woman does speak up to a pastor who was a predator. Or who took advantage of her or made her feel uncomfortable, abuse his power in some way, shape or form we're told don't touch the Lord's anointed taking thinking passages out of context, which was a private conversation between David and Abishai talking about [00:10:00] causing bodily harm to a sitting King, not a defiance of descent by somebody with sensitive information.

So we have given men immunity. We've given  men immunity in so many spheres. And especially in that faith space where you cross the wires of this person has led me into a relationship with the Lord.  but this person is, he thinks he's immune to accountability and is abusing his platform and privilege and resources.

That gets pretty murky.

 Yeah, it does.

 If somebody has prompted  a Holy experience, a sacred experiences. It really is jarring to believe that they would with that same charisma and charm, use it to manipulate or gaslit or take advantage of us. So how do we address it? I think first we have to admit that this is happening. Too many of us don't want to believe that good men are capable of bad things.

And there's a few reasons for that confirmation bias. You know, narcissists are masters at first impression. And for most of us dare, I [00:11:00] say, nearly 80% of us. It is almost impossible to change your first impression of how you believe about somebody, if they've shown you their cards. And so somebody could come to us and say, well, that man's a monster.

And we're like, no, he's so kind. You should have seen the way he dedicated my babies or baptized my husband. , we have all these things where like, there's just no way because he's been kind to me. Yeah. And we even, we prop up that kindness to be even bigger than it is. Its  a Stockholm syndrome if you will. Even if someone shows us the slightest bit of kindness in a toxic situation, we are endeared to them. Yeah. ,and of course anyone who's abusing their power is likely a master manipulator and is counting on the way that they've groomed us and the way that we have come to grow comfortable and affectionate toward them and their persona and their actions and their accolades and their portfolio.

So,  to then have to change in our minds after we have all this [00:12:00] evidence, we mine  our own brain looking for evidence of why this person is good. It's difficult. So being able to first admit that this is actually happening and it's not just happening. In far off places and churches across the country, it could easily happen in our own church.

It could easily happen in our own faith  space. And I think we must lament acknowledge it's happening. Lament. We must weep and cry  that women for centuries have been taken advantage of by faith leaders, not just in the Catholic church, as you mentioned, but across the board and evangelical and mainline churches, this is happening everywhere.


 And then as we do that, we have to listen actively, listen to women who come forward. Most of us are the first line. If a friend comes to us with hellacious news, It's so easy to jump to." Are you sure that happened or just fresh on him or 

it's hard to believe I'm guilty of this

. I have done this and then making them prove themselves. And really they need to listen to hear, they need to feel [00:13:00] seen and known. Any woman who's caught in an isolated position. They need to feel seen and known. So if we can actively listen, consider our facial expressions, our body language, and be able to. Just be present, just be present, not come at her with questions because research shows that very few women lie about these kinds of things, abusive power. Very few women.

And so really listen. I think then we need to learn. Learn how this happens. Learn that if a woman can't string together, exactly how things happened that's not because she's a liar. That's likely because it's so traumatic. Her brain is trained to grapple with the post-traumatic stress that she's experienced.

That's actually evidence of trauma, not lack there of. And then also, I think we have to really recognize that love is not divorced from justice.

 Oh, I like that.

 In faith spaces, we believe that love and justice are opposite sides of the coin and they really are the same side. Love looks like calling the police. I believe it's Cornell West said, [00:14:00] you know justice is love and public. As something to that effect, meaning that pursuing justice and pursuing recompense and redress for those who've been harmed is not ill will. And it's not that we're not forgiving. And that we're not that we're trying to not move on, which is pushed in faith circles.

, Oh, just forgive, just forgive. And so really being able to understand that it is imperative to pursue justice or this is going to happen again. Yeah. They get away with stuff because we let them yeah, exactly consequences. And there has to be a line in the sand where we say enough is enough and it's not one women.

It's all of us speaking together, women and men being allies and understanding that, you know, everyone deserves safety and respect and kindness and dignity. And no one should suffer from an imbalance of power, whether it's race class. Size of physical size or gender between men and women. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:14:54] Exactly. So what if I encounter?

So you've said that you this didn't happen to you, but this happened to someone [00:15:00] that you knew. What if you encountered someone who does who's afraid to speak up? Right. . How do you encourage them to, because like you said, if you don't say anything, it'll continue to happen again again.

So how would you encourage someone who is afraid to  do this? 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:15:13] Yeah, I think honor their journey. Encourage them to get internal help before they ever speak up. They might need to be in a place where they could even handle that, that that's a, that's an extremely high emotional toll. And so lending your strength.

I think of my situation. I was even afraid to speak up on behalf of somebody else terrified. I had nightmares for six months. It was awful, awful, awful. I had a lot to lose for me. I was the breadwinner of my home. I knew  , my job would be on the chopping block. My 401k, my son's education. He was scholarship at a private school that would be gone.

My husband was also employed by the same entity. , we were about to lose our whole existence, our faith community, everything would be lost if we spoke up. And it was when another person said to me, I'll lend you my strength. Like you don't have [00:16:00] to do this alone. And I think when somebody is struggling, like I can't do this, honor their journey.

Encourage them to get professional help because this is an outrageously traumatic thing. As I said, it's the leading derailer of careers for women. And then I think,  be patient with the journey and be willing to go with them.  I think if there's a call to make, say, I'll go do that with you.

You need to go talk, let's say if it's a church at an elder board, if you need to go to HR, I'll go with you. You don't have to do this long. You need to call the police. I'll go with you. You don't have to walk this alone. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:16:33] Yeah. So thankful for this book that you have this as a resourceful to kind of look at and why people don't speak up and to kind of encourage them to, and to remember that there, there is an imbalance with power.

And if you yourself feel like you're being abused,  you have every right to share your voice, your voice matters. Yeah, I'm so grateful for this. 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:16:52] Thank you. It's just, , it's too easy to self silence. It starting as early as 24 months children will cover up for their parents even before they can form [00:17:00] a sentence. They will cover up actions of someone who's harmed them, but believes they love them.

And then of course, even in middle school, we think of how many girls are harassed by the time they're 13. And for boys, they see it as a Rite of passage to be proven as a man, by other boys and by women and by other girls in school. So we we've created this society where this is just so acceptable. So being able to pull those layers back and realize, wait a second, we need to raise empathetic boys.

Those who are the boss of their body and their time and their, their eight have agency and create spaces that reflect that. Yeah. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:17:35] Like you said,, men are  groomed from a young age to like I'm a guy like, it's cool. It's funny to  show your masculinity. , it's in  movies guys like taking advantage of girls and  being overly flirtatious and it's just, it's everywhere in our society.

And just having to be able to flip that switch now and say, no, this is not okay. This is how women should be treated. It is not okay to objectify anyone [00:18:00] or to use your sex to overpower someone.

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:18:03] Come on, come on. That's exactly right. It's that? It's that fraternity culture into adult life. Yes. There's just so many free passes and we don't see things as like, Oh, they're just a boy or all boys will be boys and it's like, nah, dog, not happening now that okay.

Alexis Newlin: [00:18:24] So for kids, how would you see it starts with our children kind of rewriting the script? How would you kind of bring up this subject with children? 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:18:32] Oh, what a good question. So I think as soon as kids can understand what you're talking about, honestly, as soon as they can stand. You can encourage that and you can speak this over them, but if you see them hammering at another kid or , Oh, Nope, your hands to yourself, or you don't get to touch somebody. It's consent and feels like such a dirty word because we associate it with adult dating, but consent starts very young and maybe we need to give it a new name because people are so afraid of it.

But consent to their time. I think of , it's not just body , of a little [00:19:00] boy using, you know, as if he's a bully on the playground or, you know, whatever the case may be. It's also time of like demanding, Oh no, you need to play with me or you need to do what I want to do, or  I want to do this.

So we're doing this. Even that behavior enables that imbalance of power starting at a young age. And so having boys be aware. Nobody can touch your body. Nobody gets to take over your time unless you're mommy and daddy and you don't get to somebody else. Yeah. It's obviously imperative that we teach body awareness, but it's also imperative that we teach.

Body awareness for other children. If you see somebody touching someone else, you got to go tell an adult if you see or, and that's not for you either. And so it's, and we have those conversations when they're really little, and then we might have them after something goes wrong in high school. And then we hope for the best when they're an adult and really it's an ongoing conversation. And it's it's before it happens., I have two boys, 10 and six, and it's having these conversations before he sees it in real life because it's jarring. And , no matter where we fall on that fight flight [00:20:00] freeze or fawn, you know, , we all handle traumatic experience whether small or large differently. And so being able to say, Hey, if you were in the locker room, you know, I have a almost middle-school.

I have a preteen. If you're in a locker room and you heard somebody say something unkind about a girl, what would you do? What were some things you could say in response? So we're PR we're, we're, we're creating these opportunities to put a line in the sand, in a non-confrontational, but honest and respectable way where it's, where it's just not appropriate.

So I think having those conversations before, and it's awkward, I get it. I get it. I've got a boy. Puberty is awkward. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:20:38] Yeah. Yeah, it's 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:20:40] weird. It's weird. But, those conversations with our kids and that open line of communication of like, Hey, how do you believe that girls should be treated? Do you believe girls are as smart as boys?

Do you believe that boys should have better jobs than girls? You know, just constantly talking about equality in the home and understanding that everyone's the boss of their body and everyone's the boss of their [00:21:00] time. . It's not okay for us to take. Because in an imbalance of power and abusive power is theft of someone else.

Definitely theft of their bodies, theft of their platform or their resources or their life. And so being able to recognize that in small kid-friendly ways, and then having those conversations, especially in the teen years,as we  launched kids off. We want to raise respectable men and women in the world, to honor each  other and work together.

Partnership is the goal, not, not one oppressing the other. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:21:30] No. I agree. I definitely agree because God created us to work together. He created us to be together. And so just this imbalance , we have to fix it. We have to look at each other equally.

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:21:42] Yeah. Yeah. The world depends on it. The future depends on it.

The moral arc of the universe depends hands on.

Alexis Newlin: [00:21:48] It really does. , if we keep having this division, we'll just all fall apart. It says a house divided will fall. , yes. It will crumble. And so we need each other and we need to , look at each other with [00:22:00] respect. Definitely.

Absolutely. So how is the book launch going? How are people receiving it? 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:22:05] Yeah. You know, so it launches March 16th. So right now there's about a little over 250 people who have early release copies, you being one of them to just kind of  put it out there and put feelers out there and launch team getting familiar with the content.

And , my prayer is, this is not a moment. It's a movement truly. Where women are also beginning to understand how in the smallest of ways they have been taken advantage of,  any time that they were passed up for something when they were more qualified, any time that they were pursued because of a stereotype as a woman of color, like being able to identify, wait a second.

This happened to me. And that's been my biggest feedback so far from women who've read. It is like, Oh my gosh, I am looking back at my life experiences and realizing how Gaslight and manipulated I was by the men in my life. And I didn't even [00:23:00] realize I did it because my job was to fall in line. And if I wanted a place in the system, I had to obey the men who let me in.

And so that's been a really I'm so glad. I'm so glad that that's the eyeopening. Takeaway and believing that the best is yet to come. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:23:15] Yeah. And I was reading some of the things through your book and the pretty thing, Oh, you have a pretty face or  just comments on your parents. And you're just like, Oh, there's been times that's happened to me.

And I'm like, this is awkward, but you're like, Is this really harmful? You never really thought about it until you realize how you feel afterwards. You're like, Oh, that felt so weird. And how do you  even address that? , Hey, don't say those things to me, that makes you feel weird. Yeah. 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:23:37] If we did, would we lose opportunity?

If it was our boss who  said that would we lose that promotion at our next annual valuation? , would we lose something? You know, I think , we let things slide because we don't want to rock the boat. Yeah. And it's harming us in, in the long run. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:23:55] It is. And like you said, security, it really is something we do worship.

I know that I am [00:24:00] a security person.  I want to know that what I have now is going to  be stable and it's not going to, I don't want to lose. No other one's loss. No one wants loss. Nobody. Yeah. So you just hold on to things  that could be so toxic for you because you're so afraid of losing.

 You lost your job from this how did you recover from that loss? 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:24:20] Yeah, so I walked away because I knew that if I stayed in the system, this person would make my life pretty miserable than it is of me quitting or getting let go for some reason.

And I wanted to walk away on my own terms. So, and honestly, just real talk. I knew I couldn't speak up if I was still in that system . The stress and the anxiety and the depression that I walked through with this knowledge and witnessing what I did was too much. I had to remove myself to be able to walk the rest of the leg of that race for me.

So rebuilding, I gotta be honest. It's one of these things, like I said, it derails a woman career and it affects all the people around her. Again, even though I was a [00:25:00] bystander who served as a whistleblower. I really had to take some time  and  grieve. Obviously I grieved  with the hard parts, but then I had to grieve the good parts that would never be part of my life.

Again, it's, it's one thing to grieve the hard things that we've lost and that we've gone through was a whole nother thing to grieve the good parts that we weren't ready to say goodbye to. And so walking through that and then then realizing, okay, I just left my dream job. What's next? What is life to look like now?

And being able to ask yourself. Am I resilient, like, is this something that God can continue to do? And remembering that he doesn't forsake the righteous and I hope wherever you're listening right now, you remember that he doesn't forsake the righteous. Just to know that he's still faithful and just because doing the right thing looks like the hard thing doesn't mean it's over.

And so really dreaming again. In fact, I ended up writing a book called she dreams because I was in my own season of. Like, okay, what's next. What's next thing you're supposed to do next? Where do I go from here? And it really was this moment of [00:26:00] believing. Okay. I know that there's good things to come. And the underdog usually has a really great story.

Come on, come on. And you know what, there's underdogs that we don't even think of as underdogs, Julia child, for example. That girl was in her forties before she had a cookbook, you know, at 27, she wrote in her journal after being turned down to write an article for the new Yorker and said, sadly, I am ordinary, not good at anything.

Julia frigging child wrote that. You know what I mean? Like the longest running show, multiple honorary doctorates, you know, anyway. So maybe using food, taught Americans how to cook French food. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:26:40] Oh my gosh. Can you tell a little bit about your book she dreams? 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:26:44] Yeah. That's all, that's kind of the bread and butter of it is what does it look like to dream and how do we order our dreams?

What does it look like to find mentors? What does it look like to shortcut the distance to your dream? How do you map it out? How do you begin with the end in mind and work [00:27:00] backward to see that become your reality? And even in my own life, I, I remember a mentor of mine. He's like right here. Life as if you, if it was already happened, the dream as if it's already happened.

So I wrote down, I woke up in the morning and got my kids off to school, walked up to my home office and made a cup of coffee. Started some conference calls. I work from home. I did this whole elaborate as if it was already my life, like a diary entry and sure enough, within five years, that was my exact life.

Just, yeah, just planting that seed. And then you start to notice, right. You start to notice the opportunities. That would help get you closer to that. 

So I kind of anchor the story with Moses was an, it was a reluctant dreamer but called by God, nonetheless and often our dreams outlive us and are much bigger than us. And they're scary. Yes. So what does it look like to, to dream big dreams and know that it could be expensive? It can be time consuming.

It could cost you, but knowing [00:28:00] that the world may keep on spinning, but you won't. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:28:03] Okay. I'll have to get that other book. Cause I'm in the midst of doing that right now in my current life. And like, my dreams were bigger than what I feel like I'm called to do. And God's like too bad. You're going to do this thing and yeah, I'm going to pick your book.

Yeah, dreams are scary. 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:28:19] Yeah. Scary. But they also it's, you know, it, it's what keeps us believing for Maura and casting vision for our life. And I think every season requires a bit of an audit. If you will, being able to look at your life, our life and think, wait, is this where I want to be headed? Because we don't want to wake up one day when we're 80 and be like, Oh wait, I missed the boat.

I didn't really check in with what I wanted to do. And so I think it's, I mean, I'm honestly in a season of that right now, again, of just being like, okay, Where do I go from here? 

Alexis Newlin: [00:28:50] Cause this, this year? Well, I keep thinking it's 20, 20, but it's not 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:28:54] tiny

[00:29:00] Alexis Newlin: [00:29:02] because it's still free rear to kind of just uprooted everything. You're like, okay. It's the year of pivoting and trying to figure out, okay, what am I supposed to do now? Yeah. I 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:29:10] think that's, I think that's where so many of us are out of, and, and women have been inordinately punished by, by COVID-19 just because they're often the ones leaving work to homeschool kids and being present.

And so it's just, it's painful. How much women have lost. Obviously we've all lost so much, but watching how women have suffered any unique way through this, it's really been Quite unique and add to that, the isolation. It's not like we're with our people where we can hear ourselves out loud with other people who can talk some sense into us.

And so just the isolation combined with the loss of any practices that helped make us come alive and having to redefine what that can look like. Just as you said, pivot to what does life look like now? Like where do I go from here? What can life, how can I somehow even mildly attempt to thrive? Amidst a sea of [00:30:00] loss, you know, loss of life, emotional last professional loss, a loss, 

Alexis Newlin: [00:30:05] social loss.

That's the big, that's the thing that I'm seeing. A lot of people are just struggling with right now, like their, their people, or they can't be for people and are like church churches and have been really impacted here where you can't go. And so people have had to move to online and missing like community.

So it's just hard to see how all 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:30:22] California girl, you, you guys are just. His so hard. Like my heart just goes out. I, I can't, I can't even begin to understand what it must be like of just the, the strict, I mean, are your restaurants even open yet? 

Alexis Newlin: [00:30:36] No. Well, there are some, so there's some people who are like, we're done.

And so they're kind of been, they're not bending. They're kind of like just having the outdoor. So we have outdoor now, which is so nice to go sit. Outside, even an eat and it just it's so nice. It is just so, so nice. Some cities, depending on what Tigger in it's a little more open. We can go into a restaurant and sit so [00:31:00] that they, yeah, that is because that's the one thing I miss that movies.

I miss movies so much. 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:31:05] This movie. I can't girl what'd you just do to me, I haven't thought about a movie in almost a year. You know what though? I wanted to go see, wonder woman two, or wonder woman, 1984 or whatever it's called. And it was super bad who had HBO max

Alexis Newlin: [00:31:22] cause the first one was so amazing and you're like this just girl. And so I feel like if the one that they showed this time was first, it would have like helped. Cause I'm like, cause it was just like, it wasn't bad. It was just not, not the best. I'm like, Aw, like it wasn't it. Wasn't the awesome. This is the first one.

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:31:42] That left you wanting more? 

Alexis Newlin: [00:31:44] Yeah. I was like, dang it, like, it was good, but you were just like, okay. I mean, it was so worth watching. I love wondering when she's my favorite super hero, but like I, yeah, I was like, man, the first one was just so amazing. Like you left the movie, like I can take over everything.

And then this one was just kind of [00:32:00] like, it was good, but you didn't leave you with that. Like, awesome. This is the first one left you with. 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:32:05] Right. Okay. Well, how are you coping then? What are you watching? 

Alexis Newlin: [00:32:09] So I love marble. And so I've been watching Mark one division. 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:32:14] Everyone says it's amazing. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:32:16] Amazing. The first episode, what is this?

Keep going? It is so good. And I'm plugged. And every Friday I get home from work. Shut like set off everything and then turn it on and watch it. And the only downside is it has like 10 minutes of credits. And that is my only complaint is like the show could be longer. Why's this so short. And why are the credit so long?


Tiffany Bluhm: [00:32:40] okay. That's good to know. Okay. That's maximizing those. Everyone's like, this is, yeah. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:32:45] You gotta watch that. You gotta watch that. It's so good. Cause I was watching them in Lauren before that was my Friday night kick and then it went away. And so now I have one division and I think it's so, still ends.

And I'm like, what am I going to watch after that on Friday nights? But yeah, it's, it's good. 

[00:33:00] Tiffany Bluhm: [00:33:00] Okay.  , it's a funny, this is so random. Speaking of Marmol, my oldest  he's a little bit of a late bloomer and he's, he's just now getting into superheroes and Avengers and Marvel, which is so fun, so fun.

And so  trying to find. Marvel that's appropriate for a ten-year-old because yeah, it's hard. Like I can't be having, you hear these words, buddy. You're ten..  I said to myself, I wonder if there's some like Christian media company that took out all the curse words, but you can solve the storyline.

Is there really clear play 

Alexis Newlin: [00:33:34] Email it to you. So it is like Either it's an app or my friends all have it. There's an app or you can buy a player , you can put the DVD and it will any bad word, any  thing. That's visually kid. Shouldn't see, it'll take it out. Yeah. All right. 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:33:50] Did you hear that listeners?

Okay. Clear play. Thank you. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:33:54] Yeah, a lot of my friends have it and they're like, it's great. I can watch these movies I love cause I can just get them through Clear Play.

[00:34:00] Tiffany Bluhm: [00:34:01] Yeah. Oh, my goodness gracious. Okay. Now I know. I'm so excited.

Alexis Newlin: [00:34:08] I love it. All right. So Tiffany, where can people find you? 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:34:13] Yes. So I hang out mostly on Instagram at Tiffany Blum, B L U H M, and everything about the book. And we're offering a virtual summit for anyone who orders the book with voices on this issue, psychologists and historians and culture commentators, and activists and theologians.

And that is

Alexis Newlin: [00:34:34] Awesome. When the world opens up, back up again, would you think of doing a conference, like an actual live conference?

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:34:40] The goal was to take the show on the road because you know, COVID hit last mid March is when the world shut down. And I thought to myself, Oh, my book comes out mid March of next year.

I have nothing to worry about here I am with no book tour inside because of COVID. So it's definitely. Yeah. Speaking of pivot, it's one thing that I look forward to, [00:35:00] but going back to live events and being able to take the show on the road with this, so yeah, 

Alexis Newlin: [00:35:04] It's  so nice to like be in person and to see people in that way.

It's a whole other thing. Yeah. 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:35:09] Yeah. Isn't it though. We  need each other, we need each other. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:35:12] That's what this thing has taught me. , you need people. I'm tired of computer screens. Yeah. Like you need people. It's so good to be face-to-face. 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:35:21] Totally. Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for having me.

Alexis Newlin: [00:35:24] This has been great. And then my final question for you is when, when did you decide that you were brave? 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:35:31] I love that question.

 I decided I was brave when I was able to count the cost and know that even if I had something to lose. Being brave with still a greater investment in my life and in my world and in society. And if I want to contribute to human flourishing, there's a time to count the cost and there's a time to move forward and pay that car.


Alexis Newlin: [00:35:56] I love that. Tiffany. Thank you so much. This has [00:36:00] been great. 

Tiffany Bluhm: [00:36:00] I've loved every minute. Thank you. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:36:02] . Thank you guys so much for tuning into today's episode with my new friend, Tiffany. 

I will put all the info you need to connect with her in the show notes, her Instagram, her website, and where the purchase, the book at the time of this podcast, which is airing on March 17th, her book will be out on March 18. So if you want to pick that up, I will put a link where you can order your copy. 

Pre-orders really help authors kind of know how many books. To put out there and it shows the popular with the book. So it really helps an author out. So if you feel inclined to purchase it, Definitely do that. All right. Here are my three asks for the podcast. First one is share. If you love what you heard today. 

Feel free to share it with a friend. You can email it to them. You can send them to my Instagram, my Facebook page, go to my website and they can find the podcast there so they can listen. Second is ratings. If you are loving what you're hearing [00:37:00] ratings helps me know what I'm doing well, wanting to work on and also helps people find the podcast. 

And then finally subscribe. You can subscribe Go to the contact us, put your email into the contact box and then boom, I have your email. And then you're on the email list. On that list. I'll tell you about any updates that are going on with the podcast about any new merch that's coming in, any new, fun things I'm going to do. It'll all be on the email list and you get the episodes one day early, so you can listen to them before they hit on Wednesday. 

Thank you guys so much for tuning in. I love you and appreciate your support. So much of this podcast. . Next week is Latarsha. Holden. Her story is awesome. It's pretty much. That rags to riches, but going from being homeless to a PhD, such a cool story. You're going to love Latarsha she's from Atlanta, my home down. So it was so fun to talk to another southerner. All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks so much for listening. Bye. [00:38:00]