In this episode of The Brave Podcast, we get to hang out with Whitney Bunker. Whitney is a pastors wife, former social worker and foster/adoptive mom who is passionate about foster care and adoption. While working with foster children and families, God began to plant a vision in her heart to see local churches mobilized to care for "temporary orphans" right here in the Central Vally. Together, with her husband Daniel, she founded City Without Orphans.
In todays interview she shares her own journey with adoption, gives a glimpse into the foster care system and wraps up with a sweet story of a past friend who contributes to much of the bravery Whitney has today. I loved my time with Whitney and I believe you will as well.
In this episode, we discuss:
Follow the Brave Podcast
Check out more from Whitney and City Without Orphans
Support City Without Orphans! Find out how you can help here.
Let's shop!
.The Drifted Drum has apparel, gifts, and decor that are faith inspired and hand crafted by local artists in Tennessee. See something you like? Use the code "Brave" at checkout to receive 10% off your purchase.
Do you LOVE bagels? Coffee? Just plain joy?
Do you love to read but don’t have the time to sit down?
Try Audible! Get a month free: http://www.audibletrial.com/TheBravePodcast
Wanna learn more about me? Check out my website!
Want to be a guest on the show?
Have a story you’d like to share? Know someone who might be a good guest for the show? Complete your interest form here.
In this episode of The Brave Podcast, we get to hang out with Whitney Bunker. Whitney is a pastors wife, former social worker and foster/adoptive mom who is passionate about foster care and adoption. While working with foster children and families, God began to plant a vision in her heart to see local churches mobilized to care for "temporary orphans" right here in the Central Vally. Together, with her husband Daniel, she founded City Without Orphans.
In todays interview she shares her own journey with adoption, gives a glimpse into the foster care system and wraps up with a sweet story of a past friend who contributes to much of the bravery Whitney has today. I loved my time with Whitney and I believe you will as well.
In this episode, we discuss:
Follow the Brave Podcast
Check out more from Whitney and City Without Orphans
Support City Without Orphans! Find out how you can help here.
Let's shop!
.The Drifted Drum has apparel, gifts, and decor that are faith inspired and hand crafted by local artists in Tennessee. See something you like? Use the code "Brave" at checkout to receive 10% off your purchase.
Do you LOVE bagels? Coffee? Just plain joy?
Do you love to read but don’t have the time to sit down?
Try Audible! Get a month free: http://www.audibletrial.com/TheBravePodcast
Wanna learn more about me? Check out my website!
Want to be a guest on the show?
Have a story you’d like to share? Know someone who might be a good guest for the show? Complete your interest form here.
Whitney Interview - 8_13_20, 7.02 PM
[00:00:00] Alexis Newlin: [00:00:00] Alright, this is the brave podcast. And I'm your host, Alexis Newlin. And I'm here with Whitney from city , without orphans. All right, Whitney introduce yourself, tell people why you're awesome.
Whitney Bunker: [00:00:12] thank you. Okay. So my name is Whitney bunker and I am 34 years old. First of all. I'm a child of God and I'm a wife of a pastor named Daniel and a mother of two girls.
13 and three, which is fun. And I have a social work background, but, yeah, 10 years ago I was able to start a nonprofit that, I am co-founder with my husband with. But I'm the CEO currently and it's called city without orphans. Yeah. And so I started that, out of a heart for kids in foster care, I was working as a social worker at a foster care agency and seeing so many needs of kids.
Kids and families that I was working with and seeing so many gaps [00:01:00] in our systems in being that I grew up in the church and loved, the church body and just, I knew that there were so many resources and giftings and things that people could do in the church. And loved the community of Fresno and businesses and community members that cared for our city.
And I felt like, gosh, someone should bridge the gap between all three of those kinds of areas. because if we work together, we could really help bring change in our foster care system. And, that is when the idea to start to do the orphans.
Alexis Newlin: [00:01:33] So how old is city without orphans again?
Whitney Bunker: [00:01:35] Yeah, so we will be 10 February of 2021.
So yeah, we're almost on the decade Mark. So I feel like we're. A, I would say like a twin organization, speaking of twins. so we had a little bit of experience under our belt, but I still feel like we're still young and still growing. I'm growing a lot, actually, especially over the last couple of years.
Alexis Newlin: [00:01:59] How has the, [00:02:00] has your organization been affected at all by the pandemic with finding assistance
for orphans?
Whitney Bunker: [00:02:06] It's definitely affected the vulnerable most in our communities. All vulnerable people, groups are being impacted the most. And so that includes, orphans, internationally and kids in foster care locally.
the most population we're getting requests to serve right now is the college aged foster youth. So some people aren't aware that, kids in foster care now don't emancipate at 18. So yeah. and new left. A newish law about seven years ago, some former foster youth lobbied California and went to Congress and, went to the Capitol and said, Hey, you know, I'm, we're not ready to be on our own 18.
Some of them were still in high school, not even graduated yet when they were kind of told. Move along and grow up and you know, is it like all services stopped everything.
Yes. And if you had a good foster family, they would say, Hey, you [00:03:00] know, take your time to finish school and we'll help you transition.
And unfortunately, It's not all foster care providers, but some that do not do it for the right reasons. And because of that, those youth were kind of thrown out on the streets to fend for themselves. And so we have a program called AB 12, which is extended foster care. And those students, they get the services on campus.
So if they're in a trade school or if they're in community college or university, there's federal funding to help support them on campus and programs. Wow. I didn't know that. Yeah. Everything Fresno city and all of the city colleges through the state of California have a foster youth program and Fresno state.
And Fresno state present state has a foster youth program, but what happens when your campus is closed and all the resources you normally get are on your campus and you are not. On the campus, because [00:04:00] those people working there are still altered in place and the quarantines happening, and you can't have your classes and you can't meet.
So we had about 220 college age students who were impacted by foster care who were, not having basic needs being met. And so we spent an, our spending, a lot of our efforts to really help bridge that gap. Wow.
Alexis Newlin: [00:04:22] So they have, how do they have any housing right now?
Whitney Bunker: [00:04:24] some of them had housing and some of them didn't and those who didn't, we were able to connect them with people in the community.
Some people. In the summertime, took some students and had them live at their home in the summer. Some of them were able to connect I'm with a friend or something that was even extended relative that they have, that they just didn't reconnect with. So if we do get calls about housing, we do assist with that.
most of the calls we were getting. Or more about basic needs, toiletry items, food, a lot of the food pantries were [00:05:00] being impacted. the other thing that people don't often think about is transportation. So if many of the students don't have adequate transportation to get to where they need to go, especially for resources, that can be any type of resources, food, medical, whatever, that's a barrier for them.
And so. We even had folks dropping off care packages at people's doors because they couldn't go and actually get what they needed. there was one student that we worked with, that she actually had kidney dialysis. She was in foster care. Her sister also had health problems. They lived together. And, we were able to assist with gift cards, with food, with toilet trees, with toilet paper.
I mean, they were like, we can't find toilet paper anywhere. We have health issues. We can't get in line to wait in stores. So I'm super proud of our community. I mean, people really have been rallying for [00:06:00] every time we do a drive or we go public on our social media and we're like, Hey, we need this people always show up.
and so we couldn't do it without all of our supporters and our donors.
Alexis Newlin: [00:06:10] Yeah. Fresno is an amazingly amazing community. I work at the children's hospital and our kids never have to worry about when they're there for Christmas getting any, not getting anything , and it's in front of us, pretty poor area.
And so it amazes me how giving our community is to people all over. The central Valley, despite the property. There's just people who have the biggest hearts here who see a need and they find a way to meet it.
Whitney Bunker: [00:06:32] Absolutely. I was just talking to, a friend who, lives in Texas and I was just telling her how everyone is always so critical of Fresno and other places.
And the reality is, is that Fresno gets a bad rap oftentimes outside of our community, but people that really know our central Valley and our Fresno County know that we have a lot of great people doing a lot of wonderful things.
Alexis Newlin: [00:06:58] Our community is just so good. And [00:07:00] my mom, I remember when I first decided to move here over 10 years ago.
She's like, why Fresno? Fresno is. Ghetto there's gangs. And I'm like, yes, there's that. But there are some of the nicest people I've ever met in this community. And especially the church community here is just so giving and connected and it's a great place to be.
Whitney Bunker: [00:07:17] I'm glad you agree. And we're happy to have you.
Alexis Newlin: [00:07:20] I love for Fresno. , there's times like, right now it's really hot and I'm like, why do I live here? But , it's the people, it's the community. It's, it's all of that.
Whitney Bunker: [00:07:28] I love it. So good. Yeah, definitely.
Alexis Newlin: [00:07:31] So when you started fostering. Was there any concerns or fears that you had getting into taking care of a kid that's not your own?
Whitney Bunker: [00:07:40] Yeah. Our story is kind of interesting as a couple. so we started our nonprofit. before we actually became parents. So, both my husband is a local pastor and me being a social worker, we just saw a lot of needs of kids and families and thought, okay, it doesn't matter that we're young. I was only 25 at the [00:08:00] time.
and that we haven't parented, like God was calling us to this, but shortly thereafter, and we had talked when we were dating and even an early marriage that we always knew we wanted to adopt well for us. It's the timing that we were in. I think being young and both starting our careers, we weren't ready for the baby yet, or like to get pregnant at the time.
So we just thought, you know what, why don't we adopt her? W everyone's like, Oh, have your quote unquote, own kids first. This is what a lot of people tell people have your own kids first and then can adopt. And the reality is that. For some people plan a is adoption or fostering. Like everybody's different.
God's called people differently to start their family or to expand their family and whatever that is, it's really about what God's calling you to and not the other person. And what's around you and what people are saying, second of all, when you adopt a child, you know, they [00:09:00] are yours. and so. The educating of like, okay, well, yes, most people have biological kids and then they might foster and adopt, but we knew we had love in our hearts and room in our home and the commitment really to care for a child.
cause that's key, through the ups and downs, and provide them permanency if that's what they needed. and so we. Adopted first before even, exploring like emergency stroke care or, I tried to get pregnant. So with the cautious, I would say it was November. 2012. When we finished our classes to become foster adoptive parents, and you go through like a training, and it was a 10 week training.
So it was pretty extensive. And I think there's about 20 hours we had to complete before we started the process, as far as the paperwork and the interviews and whatnot, while we were at this training, I mean, [00:10:00] we were in a mixed group of. Both, foster parents, like people who are preparing to do emergency on call foster care, and then others of us that were like, we aren't ready or don't feel called to actually do the emergency foster care.
But we provide permanency. If a child is not able to reunify. With family, whether that be their parents or relatives. And sometimes that does happen. The goal and the hope is always for unification, but for whatever reason and whether that be it, addiction or, oftentimes addiction, 80%, 80%, 80% of the reasons why kids in foster care and at Fresno County at least, is.
Is neglect. But the reason that is neglect is because of substance abuse. So the substance abuse causes. The parent ought to be able to function, at a way where they are caring for the basic needs of kids. And so, neglect is kind of the biggest, I guess thing. So we, we were open to adopting [00:11:00] actually, originally we had said, well, we'll take a child from like baby to three years hold.
And, we kind of had this plan and I like to say, give your plans to pencil. And, Let him erase it really, really good idea. Write your plans in pencil and give God the eraser because he often will change your plans. Exactly. So we had it all planned for like, we'll adopt firs we'll do zero to three and then we'll have a biological TA child and then we'll adopt a third and that'll be okay.
Our kids will have three kids and that'll be, that'll be the way we grow our family. And so when we completed this class, we became really good friends with. A foster parent there. This lady was a wonderful woman who was a former teacher. So she was in her sixties had retired. Okay. She was a former missionary as well.
She did some mission work, and never been married and didn't have any children, but had just a heart to love on kids and really wanted to do [00:12:00] emergency placement foster care and had a three bedroom house and was like, I'm, I'm willing to, to just help. I love kids and I have the capacity to, to open my home.
And so. We got pretty close with her in those 10 weeks and found out that she actually lived like three bucks from us, which was kind of funny and ironic. And so when we completed the class, we swapped phone numbers and we just told her, look, we're in this process of adoption, which can take it's a little while.
Alexis Newlin: [00:12:30] How long does it typically take?
Whitney Bunker: [00:12:33] Well, I would say oftentimes in the beginning stages of going through the initial, like home assessment, home study and the paperwork and all of that, that could take like three to four months and then you're just waiting to actually be matched. And so w the matching could take.
Eight nine months like a baby, or it can be years. It really just depends on, how open you are as a family, as [00:13:00] far as age and, how many kids and their needs. there's just a lot that goes into it. the wait time of adoptive parents, I will say, as someone who is a professional in the field, the more open someone is to, A child or multiple children, the better is in being matched.
Whereas if you just want a white baby, that's a newborn, you know, it's. Yeah. I mean, that's not what the need is in our community. We come from a diverse, diverse community. We have a very diverse community. We have. Children who are older that need to be adopted and older isn't necessarily what you think.
And so we had said zero to three and then, God changed our plan and longest story short, our, friends and Kathy, who was in our foster parent class, got a placement very quickly because. That's what foster parents do. They get calls in the middle of the night. They get calls [00:14:00] early in the morning and they take kids in.
And so she called us, I would say probably only like three and a half weeks after our last class and said, are you good on your promise to. Help me out and just to be there for me in a moral support as you're waiting, because I got placement of a four year old little girl, and we were like, absolutely like, if you need respite, meaning like, do you need babysitting?
If you need someone to, you know, help help you out. if you just, you know, we've got a dog and you know, a family, we can cook dinner. We just extended our hospitality to her to say, You're not in this alone, even though your family doesn't live close. we have a heart to help in. It'll be a little while for us.
So, she was excited to connect us and, just have us as a support system to her. So we really didn't think anything of it. We just. Did what we had said we would do. And we did babysit. She'd go to a doctor's appointment or just have some me [00:15:00] time. we had them over for dinner a lot. We even would meet at the park with her.
and it was super fun. Well, one day on, say about three months later, I get a call from Kathy and she goes, okay, Whitney, don't be mad at me. And I'm like, Okay, what is going on right now? You start the conversation with, don't be mad at me or whatever, where are you going with this? and she said, we got a call that, this little girl needed to be adopted.
and the social worker is asking me , Do you want to adopt? And I'm like, no, I'm not, this is what I'm not here for. , I'm here for temporary. But she was like, I told the social worker you've been dead over at adopter. And I was like, what did I do? I just broke down crying because I had no clue she needed.
A family. This was such an early part of her foster care journey, not knowing, her, her family history with CPS. So [00:16:00] I just didn't know that she needed a family. And so before he even talked to my husband, I told her, yes, I told the doctor, go ahead and tell us. Sure.
Alexis Newlin: [00:16:11] How did he take that?
Whitney Bunker: [00:16:12] Well, this is the crazy story is because I actually hung up with the phone called my husband could barely get the words out.
I was sobbing because I was just like, this was always God's plan. we didn't see it, but God connected us all together so that we could be this little girls and, When I told my husband, look, it make me cry. But when I told my husband, he said, I knew I knew this already. And I was like, Oh, so Cathy called you.
, that's what I assumed. He goes, no, he said, the first time I met her, God told me this is your future daughter. That's amazing. But he said, I didn't want to get ahead of God. I know his ways. And his plans are higher than mine. And so I just sat back and said, [00:17:00] Okay, your will be done. just show us what is best for her.
And , I'll be there. And, so that was the story of
Alexis Newlin: [00:17:10] Connect with her with Kathy.
Whitney Bunker: [00:17:12] And she knew was already, we were already established in her life. And so, I will never forget the day actually. it was, eight. Eight years ago this very week that we were able to sit down with her and tell her at five, she knew that, she wasn't gonna need to, to be going to another family.
She's very bright and she knew her circumstances. And so. We were able to tell her, you know, the social worker told us that we can be your mommy and daddy, and she just kept hugging us like over and over. Yeah. It's like she hugged my husband and then hug me, bittersweet journey, a lot of loss. I don't take it lightly that someone else's family [00:18:00] had to break apart in order for mine to start.
so. Obviously, it's adoption is mixed emotions. It's beautiful. And it's, devastating all at that same time, but children really thrive in families. It's the way God created him and them to be raised in a family. What that family looks like. does it matter as much as it's a family and, It happened to be that God chose us for her.
And, I hate when people say, Oh, your daughter is so lucky. No, she's not lucky that her first family fell apart and well, she had to be adopted, but yeah. We feel blessed to have the opportunity as parent, as her parents, we feel honored to have the opportunity to be her mom and dad, and to be there for her and to learn from her.
And it's really, our yeah, our, our blessing. Yeah. So
Alexis Newlin: [00:18:58] That is amazing. [00:19:00] So I want to ask you questions about emergency, foster care. what happens in that? yeah. You guys get calls no matter what, like anytime of the night, what are things that some people might expect if they're interested in?
Whitney Bunker: [00:19:12] Yeah. so foster care in itself is one of those things that you. Do not know what you're getting until you get it. So when there's a drug bust at two in the morning, when a child ends up at Valley children's hospital, when a mom gives birth, you know, at a hospital and, maybe the child tests positive for methamphetamines, and there's not a good support plan and a child is placed on hold.
There's so many unknowns, but essentially yeah, what they do is they first look for family to see if there's any suitable family members that are proved and willing to provide placement for a child. And, and, and if they're not able to do that in a timely fashion or there. isn't [00:20:00] anyone willing or suitable, they go and try to find a resource foster parents.
So a resource parent is the same as a foster parent, essentially. but in state of California, they've kind of changed the name. So I'll use them and like intertwined. Okay. But a foster parent. essentially has to be ready, at any time to get a call with very little information so they can tell you kind of what they know as, emergency placement social worker, they get a call from the police department that our child needs to be removed.
Police actually do the 300 hold and remove the child or the baby and work with the social worker. Who's the emergency placement worker to find a family. So the emergency placement worker will, work with the agencies to get placement of a child. So that could be something that's two days, or it could be something that's nine, 10 months.
you don't. Always know, every once in a while they have situations [00:21:00] where, like I was saying, maybe it takes some times for a relative to come through. So to do maybe a real quick, I'm only take a week a background check our fingerprint, or there's been situations where like a relative within, in a different state and had to get time to get over, to get the child.
So. A lot of times there's foster parents that will do just quick in and outs, you know, have them for a week, maybe two weeks until something else is arranged. but other times there is not support available and a family is in isolation and in they're in crisis. And so that's when a foster parent comes along and works the, Reunification track with a biological parent or parents, if there's two parents involved.
Okay. That timeframe really varies. Typically, I would say no more than 18 months. The judge does not like to string out CPS cases more than 18 [00:22:00] months. And so if the parents are not doing what the court orders are, that could be Hey, 90 day, inpatient, that could be parenting classes, domestic violence classes, all kinds of, services that they're provided to be able to.
Get healing to learn parenting skills, to kick their addiction. all of that, they're given sufficient support and time to do what they need to do in order to get their kids back. And when they do well in their programs and they do visitations with their kids consistently. So there's set up visitation, they start out.
I'm very supervised because they want to make sure things are healthy. They're getting the resources and they're being equipped. How does a parent who doesn't have custody of a child practice? The new skills they're learning. Okay. During visitation. So as the reunification process grows. The visitations [00:23:00] come less supervised.
So that parent, after six months, we'll be having, you know, a visitation where they'll have a kid for three hours and then give them back to the foster parent instead of having a supervision type of visitation. So the process kind of goes along. if the parent does not. Do what they're being asked to do, then oftentimes they will terminate parental rights
Alexis Newlin: [00:23:26] Snd then once it's terminated, that's it?
Whitney Bunker: [00:23:28] Yeah. So they propose, parental rights termination. The parent has the option to appeal. If they're involved in the case, if they're not missing an action, you know, if they're going to the court hearings and meeting with their lawyer and all of that, they can appeal it. But, eventually. They can only appeal it so much.
And oftentimes. Judges won't go there unless there's do evidence that they have not completed what they have promised that they would to the courts. And at [00:24:00] that point in time, we want kids to have permanency, because we know that kids, you know, belong in families. And so that's when either they'll ask the foster parent themselves because they have the bond with the child.
I mean, if you've been fostering for. Just say 14 months and the parental rights were terminated. You have a connection with that child, that child has attachment in the bond. And so if it works well and you can do it, that's great. Some people go insane. Nope. I'm not going to adopt. I'm only going to foster.
I've no intention of adopting and they fall in love with the kid and then they find out they need an adoptive home and they're like, Alright, let's do it. And others, which is okay to, say, you know, this is not my role. I, I know that there's parents that are waiting out there for this child, I'm going to help prepare them to have the relationships and healthy attachments because God made attachment transfer.
Yeah. And [00:25:00] so they prepared them for a family who wants to adopt that child from foster care. Okay.
Alexis Newlin: [00:25:06] I always wonder when the kid goes from home to home, how does that affect them? , do you see issues with attaching or feelings of rejection that happened with children. Yeah. Being in a system.
Whitney Bunker: [00:25:16] Absolutely. I wish the system was more trauma informed, but they're really not. and the more placement placements that child has. The more attachment issues, are created. children are resilient and a lot of, yeah, a lot of kids still figure out how to love and be loved, which is incredible, knowing their history.
But yeah, it's not good for kids to bounce around, in the system. And so. There has been some new laws that I've kind of been put in place over the last couple years. some reform to try to help the transitions be more smooth and kids stay in care less time in [00:26:00] California. So I do appreciate that.
They're trying to streamline the processes, but it still ends up that kids bounce around from home to home. And that's hard. Yeah.
Alexis Newlin: [00:26:11] That was really hard. Yeah know, we will see it on the, in the hospital side. Just these kids will come back and it's just, I've had a couple of kids. Like the family was like, I'm done because there's some kids with behavioral problems.
And so it was just hard to , they just want to be loved. But at the same time, I don't know. I don't know if I want to call it self sabotage or I don't know, , is that what it, like, I was trying to , not , say that, but , is that what it is if they're doing or I don't know.
Whitney Bunker: [00:26:35] Well, attachments and interesting thing. I think. People do underestimate being tested by kids because that built trust and felt safety. Isn't always there right away. And kids will come in and try to test their boundaries will try to test, like, what can I do for you to say like, No I'm [00:27:00] done. and so that is very common, especially when children have experienced a lot of rejection in homes in placements, they'll really try to push, to see how far they can go.
but also, you know, a lot of people forget that attachment and self-regulation, it starts in infancy and you cannot self-regulate. Unless you co-regulate. And so as a baby, right, a baby cries and says I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm cold. Right? That's their way of expressing their need. And a caregiver comes and meets that need.
Over and over and over again. And sometimes that creates attachment. Okay. And that's how those synaptic connections, neural pathways are made in the brain. And when you have a child who has neglect and they cry [00:28:00] over and over and over and over again, And those needs are not being met and no one is showing them how to Sue then how to regulate and how to calm down.
In fact, they have the opposite. There was witnessing violence, domestic violence, they're witnessing so much hurt and pain and scary things around them. Those become survival skills. Those are actually embedded. Sometimes I'm not even cognitively aware survival skills that these kids and youth have that they use to adapt, in society.
And also really every behavior has an need, a behavior expresses a need. And so if we could kind of flip the script in the lens of, instead of what's wrong with that kid, too. What happened to them? What happened that they're acting this way. We can have a better, lens of [00:29:00] compassion and we can be better equipped to understand how their brain works and why they do what they do.
Alexis Newlin: [00:29:06] That's fascinating. Yeah. It's just cause I've run into kids and just kind of wondered myself. ? But then I, when you flip it, it's saying like, what has happened to this kid to cause this behavior, it definitely changes the script on it and
Whitney Bunker: [00:29:18] yeah.
Alexis Newlin: [00:29:19] Yeah, it definitely does.
And yeah, it's amazing. It's, it's a sad system to see some of the things that these kids have gone through and yeah. , I wish there's a way to , just fix it and make it all perfect. But I'm glad there's places like what you guys have with city of orphans. And that we do have people in the foster care system who are willing to help and willing to step in and be the parents that a lot of these kids don't.
Whitney Bunker: [00:29:41] Yeah. I'm, I'm thankful for, Over the last 10 years, just seeing so many community members step up and care for kids. That's really important to me. it to see everyone one, it does take a village. I think it does take a group of people to say, Hey, you know, I'm an educator. And I want to learn about [00:30:00] how to care for kids in foster care.
Kids who have trauma in my classroom and, or, you know, I am a social worker. I'm a pastor, community member. and we're seeing more and more people step up. I think. Right now in, this world that we live in, in 2020, my prayer is more people would be equipped to do the right caregiving. And even if that's less, yes.
Folks that actually yeah. Forward. I want people to have this knowledge of what it really takes in order to bring in a child who've experienced trauma and parents and care for them in a way that's attachment rich and trauma sensitive. If that were to go from a hundred a year to 20, but the 20 that did it really did it with intention and purpose and, the proper education.
I think that could make such a difference. and so I think I'm kind of flipping, [00:31:00] flipping my own lens too, from a, we need more people to now okay. In the way that trauma is. Just exasperated in our lives right now. And with everything going on in our world, we need the right kind of people stepping up and saying yes to this that can be equipped to, to heal and not harm.
Okay.
Alexis Newlin: [00:31:23] So if people were interested in getting involved with the foster care system, want to help, how can they come to you? How can they reach you?
Whitney Bunker: [00:31:29] Yeah. you can reach me, on our website. It's just city without orphans.com or my email, which is easy. It's just Whitney bunker@citywithoutorphans.com. We have, Well right now it's soon because everything's online.
Like these pre orientations, we called fostering adoption. One-on-one where we just sit down with people that are like, I've thought about foster care. I've thought about adopting, but I have nowhere to start and I have no clue what to do. And I don't know the processes we walk a, me and another social worker on staff.
We'll [00:32:00] walk. Families or individuals it's admit that singles can't foster or adopt. Yeah.
Alexis Newlin: [00:32:04] Which I was thinking, I was surprised when you said singles, I'm like, Oh, I guess singles could, I thought you had to have like two person home
Whitney Bunker: [00:32:09] and yeah. Yeah. That's actually a myth which we love to bust at. those workshops is that, and the other thing is people are like, Oh, I did that like so expensive.
And some type of adoptions are expensive. Private infant, domestic adoption, international adoption, expensive adoption from foster care. Not it's practically free, really. So people don't know that, that it doesn't cost money to adopt from foster care. So we do a lot of those myth-busting education informing, and those are going on all the time.
So people could, and if that doesn't work to go in a group class, we also do one-on-one. Or two on one consultations with people, what
Alexis Newlin: [00:32:52] Does it cost to come to you to get assistance?
Whitney Bunker: [00:32:55] But it's very minimal because we subsidize as a nonprofit. So it's like [00:33:00] under 20 bucks to come to a class just because we really don't want that to be a barrier.
And we understand that other people might be putting resources into, you know, maybe getting their home ready or, you know, there's costs to having a child just like. You would biologically and how to get a crib or a bed or, you know, all those other things. So thankful for donors who help us subsidize some of that.
Alexis Newlin: [00:33:23] Alright. So what are some of your goals for yourself or city without orphans for the rest of the year, or even beyond that?
Whitney Bunker: [00:33:31] Wow. Okay. Where do I start? so personally, this is kind of exciting because you're the first that I've like talk to about it publicly. So, It's a fun announcement that I can share on this podcast, but I'm in the beginning stages of writing a children's book.
That's brilliant. And, it all just kind of came together very quickly and very godlike where I [00:34:00] have a lot of parents that are. Coming to me constantly that are foster and adoptive parents, but specifically, more so adoptive parents trying to ask me about how do you talk to your child about being adopted?
How do you talk to them about their story? You know, what do we do to go through this journey with our kids? And quite frankly, I'll be very honest because I wear two hats. I wear a social work hat and then I wear a parent hat. I can live in both worlds and our agencies. Don't always equip families for that after journey.
Okay. So a lot of the light. Leading up to, and during the process of the finalization, but once the finalization is over there, isn't always a lot of support. So our organization, she has kind of stepped in to do that, but, families ask me all the time about that. So I share over and over and over repetitively, the same kind of thing to families to help equip them.
And one [00:35:00] day I was just like, I feel like. We need to have a book that could be not the typical adoption book, because there is a lot of children's adoption books that are, more character driven. So it's like about a bird and he lost his mom. And so he's trying to find a new mommy. It's, it's very character driven what I am writing.
and in process of illustrating is. It's a really a guide book for parents to have conversation with their child about their story. And essentially we want that to be as natural and. Integrated into the life of adoptive family as possible. my toddler people always ask me, when will you tell your toddler she's adopted?
She already knows she's adopted and she's heard that word. she was an infant and, and we read her stories about adoption. She can say the word adoption. She can say I'm adopted. Now. Does she cognitively cause she's three put. All the [00:36:00] things together yet? No. Yeah, but by the time my youngest is seven.
You won't be able to say, did your mom sit you down? Did your dad sit you down? She'll just be like, I always knew, like, because it's literally been talked about. Pre verbally, even to her throughout her life. my oldest was obviously five. When she was adopted, she knew exactly what was happening. She remembers her story prior to us, and she knows her story coming to us.
She's now 13 and she knows every single information that I know about her story. She knows about her story. Because she's old enough to have that full story presented to her. She, as an adoptee has a right to know her birth story, to know about, what time she was born and how much she weighed to look at her documents.
That's not threatening to us that her journey [00:37:00] and. Her identity. And so, parents just need coaching in this way, because it's just really hard, I think, for some people to really understand it. So, we can talk about it is a children's book that is coming out, this fall, hopefully winter. that will be just a short, Scripted book to help parents talk to kids about the story.
And then in the back, we are going to include, stories from adoptees, sharing their perspectives stories from, social work workers in L and LMF. T's sharing their perspective of talking about adoption and your story. And, and then me as well as a parent kind of giving tips and kind of. That after the talk, talk to parents as there it's an ongoing conversation, so, yeah.
Alexis Newlin: [00:37:46] Wow. Right. So I have one more question for you. When did you decide that you are brave?
Whitney Bunker: [00:37:54] Oh my goodness. I have always, he's been, like very [00:38:00] tenacious, Girl, you can talk to my, my mom, I, I just was always kind of a go getter and, it was really kind of outgoing and, I just really kind of took the life, by my two hands and just wanted to, but I also really struggled with anxiety and I still do struggle with it.
And so I think there was a lot of times where I would. presents being braver than I really felt. and it wasn't really until, August of 2010 that I lost one of my best friends to cystic fibrosis. her name was Jamie. Actually next month will be the 10 year anniversary of her passing. And, she was the bravest person I ever knew on the whole entire planet.
and everyone who knew her, I mean, you are in the medical field. CF is, is nasty,
Alexis Newlin: [00:38:55] Nasty, and it's taken a lot of kids.
Whitney Bunker: [00:38:58] It's horrible. It's [00:39:00] painful. And, till her dying breath, she always fought for hope and for faith and for love. And she literally was intubated saying, tell them to love Christ, tell them to serve Christ.
Wow. And, when she passed, I just had. So much hurt. That was such a painful year for me. I actually was laid off from my social work job. So I was a social worker at a foster care agency before I started, My organization. I had, some, some health issues. I had some digestive issues that had cropped up.
And, so that was kind of a pain in my side, a thorn in my flesh. And then here, one of my best friends, she was in my wedding. She set my husband and I up, was fighting for her life, in the ICU. And she inspired me and still does to take a leap of faith and. [00:40:00] You know, tomorrow isn't promised and we only have one life to live, and I want to leave a legacy for my kids and for my family, but also for this world.
And, Jamie did that in only 24 years, while suffering. Immensely. And so I just thought if she could do it, I can do it. So, that's when I knew I could be brave is when she spread her wings and flew to heaven. Oh,
Alexis Newlin: [00:40:28] Wow.
Whitney Bunker: [00:40:29] It's been 10 years. Yeah. August will be 10 years. Wow.
Alexis Newlin: [00:40:33] Well, I'm thankful for you.
I'm thankful for Jamie and I'm so thankful that you were. On, as a guest today.
Whitney Bunker: [00:40:39] Thanks for having me. It was a great time to just share what God's done and, and, pour out my heart.
Alexis Newlin: [00:40:46] Thank you. Such a blessing.