The Brave Podcast

Let's Grow with Kelly Knowles

August 05, 2020 Alexis Newlin/ Kelly Knowles Season 1 Episode 32
The Brave Podcast
Let's Grow with Kelly Knowles
Show Notes Transcript

In this episode of The Brave Podcast, we get to hang out with Kelly Knowles. Kelly is the founder of Kelly Consulting Co. She's a life coach, speaker and loves using the color code to help people improve their proffesional and personal lives and discover their potiential. She shares about her Christian walk, her love for enterpreneurship and the importance of mentorship. I learned so much from my conversation with Kelly and it even led me to join her coaching program, Grow, which has been such a blessing. I think you'll love our conversation and walk away feeling encouraged.


Kelly lives in Tennessee with her husband and family. 

In this episode, we discuss:

  • Mentorship
  • Christianity
  • Learning
  • Faith
  • Personality
  • Color Code


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Kelly Knowles Recording


Alexis Newlin: [00:00:00] [00:00:00] This is The Brave Podcast and my guest today is Kelly .

And so Kelly, I'm gonna have you introduce yourself and what you do and why you're awesome.

Kelly Knowles: [00:00:09] Awesome. Thank you, Alexis. It is so exciting to be a part of your podcast. I live in the middle Tennessee area, so you definitely can hear my Southern accent. I'm sure I have a business called Kelly K consulting and Kelly K consulting specializes in helping individuals and teams discover, develop and dig in to their innate potential. And that is my absolute passion. I have some coaching groups going on as well as some individual clients. And that is truly it's. It's a joy to have something that I work on. That is also fun. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:00:52] Yeah. How did you get this idea to start a consulting coaching company? 

Kelly Knowles: [00:00:57] Sure. Well, you know, it's interesting, I've always [00:01:00] had an entrepreneurial bent back in, longer than I care to share. I discovered that there was a field called professional organizing. And that is always been one of my bents. And so I've had businesses in the past. I had a professional organizing business called in its place. I really enjoy just seeing people improve their lives and improved for the better. I've had a background in teaching college and working with young people, both in faith based organizations, as well as in my other organizations. And just really knew that one of my desires was to really help those people. I was told, for example, in high school that I wasn't smart enough to go to college and.

So glad I didn't listen. We often just, we know [00:02:00] sometimes that we have potential, we just don't know how to figure out what it is, how to develop it and really dig into that. And it's really, truly my desire to be able to help others with that as well as teams. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:02:14] That is very cool. Yeah. Like you said, it's such a good thing. You didn't listen to  your professors back then.  that can really stop you from pursuing something bigger than what you could have imagined by listening to someone else's negative comment. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:02:29] Absolutely. You know, we all should be coachable. I do strive to be a lifelong learner. I want to always keep learning.

If I ever stopped learning, I feel like I'm just going to fall over dead if you will. And, we live in a world where you have to constantly adapt and learn while sticking true to your values. but I am, I'm glad that I had other voices around me saying, Oh, you, you are going to college. I was first generation and I'm thankful that, I didn't listen, you know, a [00:03:00] test score does not determine your value and it doesn't determine your future. Some of us just simply don't test well.

Alexis Newlin: [00:03:06] Yeah, true story.

Kelly Knowles: [00:03:07] Some of us have to work. You know, I mean, I was not that. He had in college that was able just to sling on by, I really did have to put effort into it and work at it. And that's fine because when I walked across that stage, I'll walk the across. Somebody told me I swaggered, I don't think I sweat. I think I was just having a good day.

Alexis Newlin: [00:03:27] Yeah. Very cool.

Kelly Knowles: [00:03:30] Yeah. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:03:31] All right. And so you mentioned that, you, do some faith based consulting. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:03:37] Yeah. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:03:38] Tell us your story about how you became a Christian and how God has been a part of your life. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:03:43] Thanks Alexis. I come from a background where God was always believed in. It was not something that was necessarily a part of every day.

And I had a grandmother who was actually the foster mother for one of my [00:04:00] uncles who was truly a devout believer in Jesus Christ. And she always even from afar while we were in Tennessee and she was in Illinois. On me. I always believed in God. I had a really good friend in seventh grade. It's funny how often we learn good and bad from our friends.

And she just had a tremendous impact on me as far as. Having a personal relationship with God making it more than just a head knowledge, but truly heart knowledge. And so I truly believe that age 12 is when I became a follower of Christ. And what's interesting about that. That would have been seventh grade and I think eighth grade was probably the year I went wild and some of that comes down to, I truly believe that when you are a new Christian, when you're a new believer, get people around you that will encourage you, coach [00:05:00] you. If you want to use that term, disciple you to really have you, because I think the enemy knows that there's a, there's a new one. The enemy is going to figure out ways to challenge that. And I look back at eighth grade and I think, wow, did I get some hits?

Thankfully in ninth grade, there were some young ladies who. Just really got it. They were focused on their education. They were focused on their face and they brought me into the fold. My parents did not attend church. My mother took us when we were little kids and I always loved going. The only time I remember seeing my father in a church sanctuary is my wedding day.

And other than that, he was always, he was not against it. He just did not participate himself. And so, you know, there was always, they always paid for the youth trips. They always encouraged it, but it wasn't as much of a lifestyle for them, if that makes sense. And [00:06:00] so these. These young ladies in ninth grade, really, they just influence me for the better.

They came from a position of achievement and doing better and growing your faith and did it in a way that was nonjudgmental and encouraging. And they became some just incredibly, incredibly great friends and had a huge impact on me. And. You know, we all go through kind of curves. I think our Christian walk is not always a straight line we go through now.

And so we go through periods of growth and then sometimes we go to periods of being dormant and even stagnation potentially. And so I can tell you that the last few years, for example, My faith has had some real growth and I think it comes back down to being willing to be coachable again and learn and explore new areas that I [00:07:00] didn't, I wasn't ready out to be open to yet.

Alexis Newlin: [00:07:03] . All right. And so I remember you mentioned that, You met those older girls and they kind of helped you and build your faith. I forgot where I'm going this hold on a second. I was going to tie it into like being coached by those girls who are a little older than you. Did that kind of lead you to decide to coach younger women today?

Kelly Knowles: [00:07:27] You know, it did, because I think back to the, those girls being willing to pull me with them and pull me up and accept me. And even in my senior year of high school, for example, there was a Bible study that was done throughout all the grades, if you will. And it was about learning the Bible. And I actually chose to be in the group with the seventh and eighth graders.

Even though I was a senior. Yeah. Because I felt like they were at the level of learning that I was at. And what was really interesting [00:08:00] about that is that I was able to develop relationships with those young girls. That had some of them have lasted a lifetime. I ended up being the maid of honor in one of their weddings many, many years later.

Yeah. And one of the girls, her mother had actually been my Sunday school teacher in seventh grade and my senior year. So talk about full circle. When I started college, I ended up being part of an organization called youth for Christ, and I had a heart for what they call middle school. I actually did slumber parties in my dorm room.

And those seventh and eighth grade girls thought being at a college dorm was the coolest! 

Alexis Newlin: [00:08:40] Yeah, I bet they did.

Kelly Knowles: [00:08:43] . So much fun. And just being able to mentor or them and share a little bit of my story and learn about them. It was, it was incredibly exciting. I've got a program starting in June that is specifically for people in their twenties and [00:09:00] early thirties.

I'm calling it Grow and it's a bit of a nation of practical and spiritual. Because I remember what those years were like for me and Alexis, I have to tell you, I had a little bit too, too much pride. I thought I could figure it out all by myself. And there were women willing to mentor and coach me, I just didn't open myself up enough because it would have met admitting that I didn't know everything.

And I wanted to know it all. So this is something I'm really excited about. I love working with that age group because it's a, there's so much potential and energy. And I just think it's the coolest opportunity when you're at that age. Yeah. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:09:44] What are some like obstacles you feel like that age, and I fit in that age range,  what obstacles do you see that we deal with walking in our faith and being in the world? 

Kelly Knowles: [00:09:53] You know, I was always joked that I felt like my twenties were going through puberty again. [00:10:00] It was, it was like roll around too, you know, and it was because I was figuring out my value system.

I was starting out in the working world. Now my case, I did go to college and get a four year undergrad at a traditional start at 18 finished at 22 kind of thing. but I had some serious romantic relationships throughout that. I made the decision about it. I don't know, a little less than a year out of college that I was no longer going to be in the relationship with the person I had been dating my senior year and making the decisions, on, whether or not I wanted to marry. And at the time I wasn't interested in it. I wasn't, wasn't feeling the desire for me personally, to marry and have children. I saw that happening with a lot of my other friends and I was really career oriented. Yeah. And it's silly as that sounds, it was a bit of a challenge.

I joke, for example, my greatest friends were guys. And all of a sudden they were marrying these girls, these women, [00:11:00] and they didn't want them hanging out with me, you know? And I was like, where are their bodies going? And so that was a challenge of your value systems when you enter the working world and being coachable by, but also sticking true to what you know is right.

Those can be times when you start to question that and you start to wonder, did I make the right decision? Did I, do I need to pivot and look at a different industry? So I just remember being challenged both on a personal basis, as well as professionally. And again, just. I should have networked more. I should have reached out and, and allowed myself to be mentored by some really phenomenal Christian women who did to a certain extent, but I didn't open up enough if that makes sense.

And it probably could have saved me a little bit of time fusion. There was also a little bit of, [00:12:00] learning self-acceptance again. That even if I wasn't on the trajectory at the time to marry and have children, it was okay if someone else was, and just kind of trying to be able to reconcile those different kinds of things.

And I knew my path was going to be different. I had no, no idea. What God had in store for me, if you had told me in my twenties, what I would be talking about and the experiences I would have had now, I can't even imagine my reaction. but you know, I do remember my twenties as being a time where I was just really trying to figure out my values, figuring out what was right for me.

And, if you're not in a place where you're keeping that. Community of believers, a huh, really encourage people to stay in that space. When you're in your twenties. I moved just about 30 miles down the road. And what I failed to do was fine [00:13:00] that community of believers for several years, and I remember a friend of mine, she and I still communicate.

She stopped me in our workplace. One day, she knew I was a believer in as was she. And she said, you know, she said, you're not going to church. Are you. And it wasn't a statement of, you have to go to church. It was a statement of Kelly. You're not in a community of believers and it's reflecting. It was so wise.

And, she was a great influence on me. She's about 10 years older. We still talk regularly. I still look at her as one of those people. The faith that kind of gives you that encouragement when you need it. But I'm really glad that she said that to me, because it just kind of called me on the carpet and made me look at where are my values and what's important.

Yeah. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:13:47] And mentorship is so important.  I think if some women I have in my life who were older than me and  not having my mom , you miss that, , my mom was kind of my mentor. She was a believer. So that was helpful. But  when she [00:14:00] passed, the Lord brought so many older women who are ready to come in and just guide me along and I could go and talk to him about anything. , I could be an open book with them and it was just so freeing. With your parents. You can kind of do that, but there's some things you just don't want to talk to your parents about like dating . At least not my mom, my mom was very protective. So as soon as I mentioned a guy, she's like, who is he? Where is he? What does he do? What job does he have? She would just go into protective mom mode. I'm like, okay, no, no, no, no. And so it's just nice to kind of have like someone else who I could go to and talk to about those things.

Especially things relating to the Lord and have them kind of guide me along. Cause like they've been on the earth longer, they've gone through more things. And so it's just, it's such a gift to have a mentor in your life. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:14:41] I love hearing you say that, you know, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, my junior year of college, and it was extreme. She did the mastectomy. She is still with us today in our seventies and scrappy, the woman is so scrappy, but I remember. My [00:15:00] junior year of college. I really had a shift if there, because she was fighting for her life. And I remember feeling a lot of guilt wondering, do I move back home? I remember having that conversation with her saying, mom, do I need to leave school and come back home?

And she's like, no. So today or you stay in school. So is that constant kind of juxtaposition between. Knowing that I was where I was supposed to be knowing that I was doing what she wanted me to, but also tremendous guilt at what she was going through. And she fought that through junior, senior, and then even into the first year after I finished college.

And I remember it was just a change in. Feeling okay. You're kind of on your own now. And again, rather than, than allowing others to mentor me and kind of support me. I just took on this it's me against the world and I've got to survive and I've got to do it all by myself. Now I'm an incredibly [00:16:00] independent person.

That's the way she raised me. So the good news is I didn't fall on the floor and I was able to connect. Continue school and keep going. And I had some good girlfriends that supported me, but I know that had I been a little more open, it could have, it would have been so hard. Right. And I remember there was, there was just some times looking back that if I had been open to those women that were open to me, It might have eased the way a little bit.

Not long after I finished college, my mom had recovered and was doing very well. And then my father had a massive heart attack and almost died. And so those, those for about, you know, five, six years of tremendous impact, the same father, six years, I had a friend who, almost died in a car accident coma.

She had been one of those girls that had mentored me. So it was just a combination of a lot of really serious life experiences. And, you know, I look [00:17:00] back at those times, they certainly made me resilient, but it also, you know, sometimes I think I went a little more inward into you're on your own kiddo.

You got to figure this out for yourself. And when you have things happen with your parents, as I'm sure you can relate. No matter what your relationship with them word. I'm very thankful. My mom is still here. My dad passed a few years ago. I had a great set of parents, but we forget how much they codify into our character and have an impact on us.

and you know, I just remember those years as being years where part of me felt like I was just surviving. If that makes sense. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:17:40] Yes, it does. I totally I relate to that . My mom also raised me to be that way. And when she passed and when she was going through her cancer and then pass , I just remember thinking the same thing.

 I'm on my own. I need to take care of myself. I need to buck up. Cause that's kind of how she raised us to be , she was very caring of us, but she's like, I want you to be able to take care of [00:18:00] yourself and be able to provide for yourself. And so I was like that and thankfully God brought people along , I have people who are here to help you and for you to reach out to cause it's a heavy burden to carry when you're going through all those things.

If you don't have anyone. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:18:15] Yes. Yeah, absolutely. And you know, you can, God is always there. I mean, we will always be at certain points in our life where that may all we have and never want to negate that we never want to negate that he is our source and our strength. And to keep those things in mind. I also believe we were built for community.

We were built to encourage one another, to be there for one another. That is. Part of being the church, if you will. And some days I've had to learn that lesson a little harder than others, 

Alexis Newlin: [00:18:49] Same here.  When my mom passed and I asked the Lord , why did this happen?

And of course , he just didn't answer that. who am I? But  you always ask why. [00:19:00]  the community that he provided after she passed, , they've been amazing. They've  been my family.  I can call any of them up. One of them, I have the code to get into their house.

I could come anytime I wanted. , it's been so amazing how, even though it was a big loss, God provided so many wonderful people through my community at church to really come beside me and help me through a very hard time in my life. And 

still today, they're a wonderful, wonderful family.

Kelly Knowles: [00:19:21] I liked that you said that Alexis and, and, you know, for people who are listening. You know, my husband and I, we are in a place now where there are no kids at home. Right. And we are okay. Open to that, you know? And one of the things that I've noticed with some of them, people that were my age back then, is that not sure if they can look to us for that support and interest in guidance. And I would offer to people listening who maybe don't have that. You know, a supportive set of parents, maybe they're coming from a toxic background. Maybe their folks are no longer with them. Don't negate [00:20:00] that couple that is there, maybe their children are grown, because they still have a lot of love to give and they're open.

They are open. And so reach out, ask them, Hey, can we have lunch with you one day? It could, we have coffee. And I think what you'll find is there is a definite openness. I know with my husband and I, we don't ever want to feel like we're forcing ourselves on anyone. Yeah. But we are also, you know, we've been married 16 and a half years.

We've been through some really, really unique neat times. And so we have some things to offer and thankfully, yeah, I have my husband there who is just an incredibly good listener. He's a safe spot. And, He offers a lot of value, especially when young men take the time to talk with him. But I just think sometimes it's that same thing where there's a feeling that's got to go it alone and I would just offer you don't, you don't have to go alone.

Alexis Newlin: [00:20:58] You really don't.  [00:21:00] God, will provide. If you've lost something, God will provide people there to , just be there for you and walk alongside you. And it's just, it's a beautiful thing. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:21:08] Yes. Sometimes it's the last person you ever thought it would be.

Yes,so true. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:21:14] There are some people that I'm like, there's no way,  we'd ever be friends or no way that I'd have this relationship with them and totally wrong. God proves me wrong every time. And so some of the most wonderful people that I know and they're some of my closest friends, so it was just really cool how that happens. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:21:30] Too, true.

Alexis Newlin: [00:21:31] Alright. So I wanted to go into how you met your husband and, what your marriage is like. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:21:37] Yeah. So my husband and I, there's a little, little bit of typical story and that we did meet at church. and that's about where the typical stops I was raised very independent, and I always said that, I got married, but I always intended not to get married. I never intended on having children and I wasn't going to change my name. So I had all kinds of these things, the [00:22:00] things, and, when I met my husband, he was divorced and he had custody of two girls.

So there was about a year where he was interested in me and I was like, no way, I've never been married. He's got kids. I mean, it was just at a lot of things that I said. Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope. what's interesting is, you know, that phrase, but God, and I want to television now you'll probably laugh at this.

I want to television and it seemed a big. And it was 26 inches. So, but I 13 inch television, I didn't have cable. I was always afraid of getting addicted to the media and entertainment. And so I kind of kept that in check for myself. so I want to television and I thought, well, I've got to get this behemoth behind doors.

So I asked around a church and I said, does anybody knows somebody that can build me an entertainment center? I had a townhouse on, I knew exactly what I wanted it to [00:23:00] look like. And they said, well, yeah, Kevin can do that. So he and I started talking, we had been in a few little, activities at church and I explained to him what I wanted.

He built for me, my vision. And I found out later I had a budget and I found out later that he used scrap on part of it to be able to meet my budget. And you wouldn't even know if you see it. So that Oak entertainment center is still in the corner of our bedroom. We don't use it. It's got books on it and a wedding memorabilia, but it means a lot to me.

And, and, It's really interesting. My husband was a newer believer, unlike me where at 12 I accepted Christ and it became more of a lifestyle sometimes than a heart change. Right. He had, he had a heart change and had been divorced for a while, was raising two girls on his own. And that is not easy, no matter who you are.

but he really had a heart change. With God. [00:24:00] And I, he always says that I got Kevin version two, which I'm very grateful for. so we started dating and we actually had a two year engagement because I was very scared of getting married. I knew that there was an incredible commitment there and that it was for life for me. I also saw that I would be responsible for a small human. His, oldest was pretty much out of the house, due to a lot of drama and, and things that the youngest was six years old when we met. And she was eight when we married. So I was a fulltime mom, practically, upon getting married. And I did not take that lightly.

Alexis Newlin: [00:24:42] Which is a big change.

Kelly Knowles: [00:24:42] Yeah, huge, huge. I went from being a single corporate girl who, live the professional life and her immaculate townhouse and running her own thing all the time to living in an environment where I'll never forget I was at work and she [00:25:00] called me one night and her little Minnie mouse voice. And she said, are you okay coming home?

And it was a reality check for me that. Oh, you know what? My life involves other people now, because I thought that I could get married and still have my own independent life as well. And to some extent I still do, but, but marriage is a partnership and he was much better at that. I think that I was, frankly, because he had, he had been married before and he kind of knew those pieces.

I never did change my name much to the chagrin of the church lady. They, they just, you know, they struggled with it, family members that struggled with it. And the only person I cared about with it, with my husband and I asked him, I said, I don't really care to do this. It's not that important to me. Is it important to you?

And he said no. And so that tells you about his character in that he truly accepts me for me and allows me to be who I [00:26:00] am. And I'm very, very thankful for that because we have been through a lot of really difficult things. And I can tell you that, you know, not having God in our life, I don't know if we would still be together.

I think that God pulls some, a whole different character change into your life and how you look at things. I will also say that, I'm thankful that I never did take marriage lightly. It is, it is an important thing. It is a serious thing. And I think people should go into it with some knowledge and with, the belief that they are committing to another individual.

It's a beautiful thing. But I think sometimes depending on your world, sometimes you feel that there is a pressure to do that because it's what everybody else does. And, no, it doesn't have to be you do, what is, is that. Where God leads you. And I believe God put us together. When we look back at some commonality in terms of how we were [00:27:00] raised, when we look at our values, we have a lot more in common than people believe.

And the biggest thing in common that we have is our faith. 

, it's a good foundation to have to be successful at anything. 

Yes, definitely. Yes. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:27:15] So I had some questions as a fellow, independent, going into marriage with that kind of personality. How is it like to partner with someone and to be taken care of?

Kelly Knowles: [00:27:26] Well, I just need a day. You'll probably get a different answer tomorrow. You know, I will tell you this. One of the things that he has done is demonstrate that we're on the same team. Okay. And we have had situations where unfortunately we've been in situations where we've had to be. separate from family members where there's been, you know, some legal issues and those kinds of things.

And at the end of the day, one of the things he has always done is demonstrated you and I are the same team. We are one, [00:28:00] we are a team. And when people marry, we, that becomes their team. Sometimes people will, Keep their family as the first place. And then their spouse becomes second place. I truly don't believe that's how it's designed.

You leave and become your family. You become with that one with your partner. And it does not mean you disrespect your family or anything like that, but your, your family. You know, the man believes the family to be with the woman. So I'm very thankful that he has always been. We've always been a team and that has made all of the difference.

He is. It's interesting. I was incredibly independent. I have to tell you Alexis. I liked that I haven't pumped my own gas in a while. My, some of my colleagues will say you're so spoiled. but it's one of the [00:29:00] things that he does for me that, is, you know, we, if you're familiar with love languages, Mine is acts of service.

So, you know, I really care about you if I'm making sure you're taken care of and doing things that are often seem very practical, are your socks clean? Do you have, you know, nice clothes, that kind of thing. and he does that for me. He recognizes that something like putting gas in my car is an act. That means a lot to me. . Being that I was so independent and you and I are similar that our moms raised us to be able to take care of ourselves. And, that was a big shift. As a matter of fact, it's actually, when I knew I was ready to marry him, when I allowed him to do things for me, because I remember having a big fight with another boyfriend many years ago, because he wanted to hang something for me in my apartment.

And I said, no, I'll do it myself. And he said, no, I'd like to do that for you. And it [00:30:00] truly became a big fight because I was not willing to let him help me because I felt like I was giving away my independence. And for me, when I realized that I was allowing someone then to do something for me, When I was allowing someone to let me depend on them a little bit.

That's when I knew I was ready to marry. That's when I knew he was the person that I was going to marry. that was just such a significant difference in change for me that it, it marked it for me. If that makes any sense. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:30:37] It does. It totally makes sense. And yeah, I think about my own life with people who I decided to  let in. I know a lot of it's a pride issue too.  I can do this myself. I don't need help cause it's hard to ask for help. And , it is hard, but  looking at it the other way, it is hard to do something where you clearly need help and you decided to do it anyway on your own that makes [00:31:00] it way worse, which I have done so many times. And so I know in my own walk. Like when I, when I lost my mom and then got sick myself , God used that to teach me how beautiful it is to receive help from people that it's not weakness, it does not mean you can't do something. It just means you need help.

And that's what people well are there for. . But  a lot of pride will make it hard to ask for help. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:31:22] Absolutely. And you know, some of that from how you're wired and how you're built my mother jokes. And she, it says it is the absolute truth. I'm a first year born that I was washing my own hair at age two.

I, I do remember that my mom was, I don't ever remember my mom telling me, do my homework. Here's your homework. Get up. Put on clean clothes take, I don't remember any of those things. And she insists that I was fat independent, and that self-directed so, you know, it's how I'm built. It's how I'm [00:32:00] wired. And when you are sometimes accepting that help, you do think, well, that means I'm weak.

Yeah. And often in our weaknesses, we, first of all, we see how we need others for different things. We also see that God can bring to us tremendous growth and often tremendous healing about four or five, probably five years back. There was a class being offered at church and the class originated from a YMCAs series.

For people who were in a place of addiction, it's called journey to freedom. And we had a lady at our church who had been teaching it to women in jail and decided to offer it to women at our church. And I knew that that class had been part of a  YMCA series. It's a phenomenal series, the journey to freedom series.

And I remember thinking, well, I don't have any addictions. I don't have any of those [00:33:00] challenges. And yet Alexis, something told me. You need this class, something told me go and I couldn't fight it. I mean, I literally could not out rationalize it. Yeah, I couldn't out-think it? It said go, well, my husband and I had been, and we're in a situation where we had raised for seven years, my oldest daughters, two oldest children, and she had decided and had gotten in a better place.

But after seven years, she was ready to take them back. As you can imagine we were going through enormous, emotional, no hard emotional, challenge. The boys. One was three, had just turned three and the other one was 20 months, 20 months when they came to live with us full time. So these were my babies and I had actually been in the delivery room for the second one.

So I bonded with him day [00:34:00] one. He was spending the night at our house before he was a week old. So I was broken. I was broken. I've never been broken. I thought I was tough. I mean, I've been through my mom's cancer. I've been through my dad's heart. Oh, I could handle this. And I was, yeah, just broken. And my husband was too, and it's interesting.

That class was a journey for me. And I dropped my pride. I joined the class. Made lifelong friends and had so beyond amazing healing. There were women in that group. One woman had been a widow and then she immediately remarried too quickly. That person had been an addict. Another woman, her husband was another woman.

Her mother had just passed and she was an addict. Lots of, of common. Now it was tremendous places of pain. Yeah. And out of that came amazing healing myself and [00:35:00] another woman actually became facilitator. And I taught a class, one of the journey to freedom classes. Then we also taught another part of the series called journey to freedom from loss.

And boy was that an amazing healing in that loss would not just be lost of a person from a death, but it could be loss of the lifestyle. You thought you would have the loss of your career, whatever. And Alexis, not less than two years after that, my father passed. And so, you know, God brings us. When we're open when we're willing, he will bring his healing.

He will bring us learning and sometimes the most amazing things can come from a place of pain pain. And I've learned that, through that journey class, it was just absolutely phenomenal. Yeah. Gonna move the phone. And so, you know, those are [00:36:00] the kinds of things that when we're open to learning, we can really get a lot of very cool healing.

And it was, it was one of those things that was offered. I'm thankful that I was part of a community of faith because that's how I learned about it. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:36:15] Yeah. Wow. That sounds really awesome. And so do you still facilitate it now or are you kind of done. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:36:21] You know, I have not facilitated a journey class in a few years.

I recently facilitated, there's a book out there. Is it okay to mention the name of a book? 

Alexis Newlin: [00:36:30] Yeah, definetely.

Kelly Knowles: [00:36:31] So, there's a book out there called it's not supposed to be this way. Lisa Terkhurst. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:36:38] Oh! I loved that book because she went through it a few years ago.  

Kelly Knowles: [00:36:41] She went through it. Yeah, well, you know, it's interesting. I saw this book last winter. . And I thought, I want to teach this. I want to teach this his book. And so I decided I'm going to start a Saturday supper club. I invited several women, from my church and also [00:37:00] people I knew personally, I just put it out there and said, listen, I'm going to read this book. If anybody reads it with me.

Right. If they don't, I'm going to read it. And I started what I called the Saturday supper clubs. So we had our first meeting in January and we met once a month for four months, of course, with COVID guess what? The last few months were up. But I put together basically a curriculum based on the book I bought.

I bought the study guide. I've watched her videos and put together a curriculum and boy was that a great endeavor? I'm so glad that I did that. The book is an excellent read. And we have, I had some really cool insights from that. There were, and then that worked quite well. Sure. If they wanted to participate, but something told them to, there was a woman I had not seen since was 18 years old.

She lives in my community. She reached out to me and said, I need this I'm [00:38:00] coming. And. And so she and I have been able to revive a friendship and we had known each other since we were little girls, but just, you know, life happened. Right. And so I still do those kinds of things. I have a program I told about throw and I have another one going on for women in midlife called next, because I believe we're better together.

And when we're willing to be in community with each other, when we're willing to learn from each other, Especially when we're willing to maybe step out of our typical social box and, meet up with people we might not have normally hung out with. We can have some really, really cool engagement. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:38:40] Yes you can.  so I wanted to ask you, you have something called the color. I might might get it wrong. The color code. No. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:38:48] Yes, you got it. .

Alexis Newlin: [00:38:49] Color code. Yes I was right!

Kelly Knowles: [00:38:52] So the color code is a personality profile. I always tell people that for me, color code is a tool in my toolbox. There are [00:39:00] various profiles out there right now where Alexis, I feel like people are basing their identity on it.

They are putting a little bit of into them. And I believe my faith only belongs in one place. I discovered color code about four years ago, my husband and I were listening to a speaker. And I looked at him and said, I'm a red, you're a whiteness explains everything. And so, and so I did do some digging and became a, a certified trainer.

The color code is a personality profile. What makes it really unique? Is that it comes from the premise of what is your driving core motive and the premises that this is what you're born with. It doesn't change. And you're driving for motive while you have character. I joke that I've learned to get along better with others.

And, but the, the driving for motive doesn't change, there are four colors and each one of those, the color doesn't have a big significance, except it's just kind of a place marker. A red. [00:40:00] People who typically take the profile and have a driving core motive of red. The driving core motive is power. 

Okay.

And if you find power to be unpalatable. Yeah. And the other way that I like to put is your reds are your movers and shakers. They're going to get you from point a to point B. Blue they're driving core motive is intimacy. We often think of intimacy in a physical way. So I like to return that to connection.

Blues are your connections. They're your values, your they're your quality people. They hate small talk. For example, they want to really connect with you. I had a conversation the other day with a blue, and I think she and I solved the world's problems in 30 minutes because we connected on that level. My secondary is a blue.

Whites are your peacemakers. I married one. I married that peacemaker. They provide tremendous clarity. They are all about steady state and then [00:41:00] yellow they're driving core motive is fine. Some people don't like that. And what I say is yellows are in the moment. They're your optimist. They're likable. They are the people you want at your parties.

Every one, of course, some people are pure certain color if you will. And then most of us, because we are unique, we are individuals, are a combination. And what really made this significant for me, Alexis is it helps me to understand why in so many situations, I felt like a fish out of water. And why I sometimes struggled to connect in certain groups or why I'm so independent and what makes me that direct person who is not typically the one to stand against the wall and wait to be talked to. It has been a really interesting, to learn about it. It has actually really [00:42:00] been, I overused this word, a game changer in my marriage. Because we understood what drives the other one.

I am one of those people, if it's a, I'm not, my husband is if it's not broken, why are we fixing it? And I'm like, well, because we can fix it and make it better. Even though it's not broken, let's do better. Let's do more. He is. Steady state. He provides amazing clarity and I'm that? Let's do this. Let's make it better.

Let's go here. Let's drive. This let's achieve. I don't think that I came into this world content. And he is content. And when we were, you'll find this funny, when we were doing our premarital counseling, our pastor at the time just kept shaking his head and he would look at us and go, are you sure you want to do this?

And of course, you know, I've read all the articles. So I knew everything about, you know, raising kids because as I'd read all the articles and the husband was in LA [00:43:00] and he was like, work out, we got this. And he shook his head. He said, well, love makes you dumb. And, we failed every premarital test. He gave us failed every single one, every single one.

And he still married us, but we found out or complimentary opposites, you know, they talk about how opposites attract. As I mentioned earlier, we do have some really important core values that we share politically. We often disagree on how we look at life, how we look at our goals. We often disagree, but we have complimentary opposites.

I can bring him an issue. I can bring him something that I may be all emotionally up about. And in just a matter of seconds, he provides tremendous clarity. And boy, is that a gift on the flip side, I am one that I can spur him on to looking at life differently and not accepting things as they [00:44:00] are when there are possibilities for more, when there are possibilities to have more.

And so we both bring something to the table that compliments the other one. If that makes sense. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:44:12] Yes, it does. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:44:13] Yeah. And so the color code, has been  just a tremendous tool in my toolbox. I use it with my coaching clients. I use it with coaching groups because when people understand what drives them, kind of what that driving for motive is it helps one to have more self awareness.

Self awareness is important, especially in the world we live in now and even better. It helps us to relate to others and be able to understand why. Why we act the way we do and why they act the way they do. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:44:44] Exactly. . A lot of those different ones out there. . Have you heard of the animal one? There's like Beaver golden retriever, Otter and lion. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:44:53] There is there's another one Eagle owl. Yeah. peacock and lion. I think there's [00:45:00] so many of course. and, and I think each one brings to the table, some merit, right. And for me, I always want to make sure that doesn't become my mantra or my philosophy of life.

It's very easy. To, allow those things to identify you, my identify identity comes from Christ, but I was made unique. And when I understand that, when I understand why it's okay, where I'm comfortable with things and other people are not, or where this makes sense to me or this doesn't, but it does to someone else.

it helps you to have insights on where another person is coming from and then help each other because we're all part of, we all become that whole, you know, the Bible talks about your, the body and different parts of the body and how that comes together as the whole. And I think that's something that it's really helpful to be aware of.

Not [00:46:00] everyone is meant to stand up and be the public speaker, but they're still valuable. They are still incredibly valuable. And then, you know, some people are meant to be that great artist who will paint that picture or do that sculpture that inspires thousands. If you asked me to draw a stick figure, I will fail miserably.

So we all have those talents and skills and abilities. And I think that for me, becoming more emotionally aware and having that self awareness, it really truly helps me. And it helps me coach clients as well. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:46:36] Yeah, definitely. It's definitely good to not to know what drives you and what your core motives are, because if you don't know that, I feel like you can find yourself a little lost and then kind of wandering, but something that you're not supposed to be in.

Kelly Knowles: [00:46:48] Yeah. we are created for, you know, we all have a purpose. We're all created for a reason. we have something to contribute to this world. So, you know, just like when I did that book, it's not [00:47:00] supposed to be this way for me, if no one else had come to that. But there was a woman that came, who said, I've been praying for something like this.

And, this person is going through their third divorce. They're really struggling with a feeling of not having success in life, wondering what their identity is, wondering their value and wondering why, you know, because it didn't start out to become so complicated for them. If, if no one else came to those meetings, but her that's success to me because I felt called to do it.

And I listened to that call. And somebody else had been praying for something like that. And to me, that's a win, no matter what 

Alexis Newlin: [00:47:47] it definitely is. It's so cool how  you say that. How you think something like may not matter, but it may just, if it reaches one person, it definitely matters. So if God has asked  to do something that seems like out of your comfort zone, [00:48:00] or just seems different for you. It's just great to  just answer that call because you don't know what awesome things God may have in that. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:48:08] You don't and you don't know what you're breathing into someone else? When I was a little girl, there was a lady down the street who decided she wanted to do a Bible study in her neighborhood.

And I went, I couldn't wait to go. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. And she would sing a song cheesy, so cheesy, and the song would go, I'm a promise. I'm a possibility. I'm a promise. And it would go. I am a great big bunch of potentiality. I am learning to hear God's voice and I am trying to make the right choice because I'm a promise to be anything God wants me to be.

Now. Some people may think that sounds like the cheesiest thing ever to me. She was telling me that God created me, that he created me for a purpose. [00:49:00] And that I had value and I learned that at home home too. I'm very thankful that I was in a home that I was given value. Not everyone gets that fortunate ability, but what a gift was that woman to our neighborhood, what other children were part of that group that maybe that's the only place they heard that.

Right. And, she passed last year, she was on Facebook and I made a point to reach out to her daughter who was posting about her health. And I said, okay, Tell her tell her how many years it's been, but tell her, I still remember her name. I still remember her home. I still remember the songs that she sang to us.

What an impact, what an impact. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:49:42] Wow. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:49:43] Yeah. Yeah. You never know where you're planting seeds. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:49:47] Yeah. And that's just something simply God just wants you to do. It's just the plant, the seed, just to, it just takes one little, one act. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:49:55] Yeah. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:49:55] One act to make something amazing happen. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:49:58] Absolutely. [00:50:00] Absolutely. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:50:00] So, Kelly, what are your goals for this year?

Kelly Knowles: [00:50:05] Well, you know, it's funny, I was talking to a client just last night and I said, do you realize the six months is going to be December?

Alexis Newlin: [00:50:11] Oh my gosh.

Kelly Knowles: [00:50:14] I know right? Everybody breathe, everybody breathe.  But you know, my goal was to keep looking forward, keep having that vision, think about those things that feed me well in those things that don't feed me well, , I found myself in a real place of frustration this week. And then I remember there's a believer, who has been in the career space for gosh, at least start a years.

His name is Dan Miller, and I decided to listen to one of his podcasts and it gave me a mindset reset. And so that is one of the things that I want to continue no matter what the now is, no matter what we're going through is just really thinking about where is my mindset in the Lisa TerKeurst book. One of my favorite [00:51:00] phrases I've stolen it constantly is "you steer where you stare". 

Alexis Newlin: [00:51:06] Oh, I like that.

Kelly Knowles: [00:51:07] And it's so powerful. It's been said a number of other ways, but to me, that gives me a just great line to remember that, what am I looking at? What am I focusing on? Where? And because I'm not an equestrian, nor would I. Even pretend to have that kind of knowledge.

But my understanding is if you're riding a horse where you're looking is where the horse goes. So if you're looking over the block, guess what? And you steer where you stare. One of my goals, Alexis for the rest of the year is to pay attention to where I'm steering. Remember the things that work well and the things that don't. I always tell my coaching clients that it's okay.To think about a different F word and that word is failure because when you are [00:52:00] achieving, when you're looking at doing something different, tacky way to put it, but new levels, new devils, right? So you it's the having that beginner's mindset, it's being willing to understand where you've never done it before.

So it's okay. If you're not bright at it, it's okay. Because you're a beginner and the people that I know who continually learn, they allow them themselves to have that beginner's mindset now learning this, but that is one of my goals is to keep the coaching groups that I have. I absolutely love that.

It's really cool to see people, have insights. And be able to make the changes in their lives that they want to see. People have hope again, to me, that is, just an incredible blessing. So those are some of the things that I know that I want to continue this year, but I'm keeping that you steer where you stare in my mind.

I am really compelled also to get smarter about my faith. I believe we're in a world now [00:53:00] where, we're just really going to, Be challenged and we're not going to get to be as, tangible, maybe about our face as some of us might be right now. I think that some of us may be looking and saying, how serious am I about my faith in Christ?

Because it might get challenged. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:53:19] Definitely, definitely in this, especially with what has been going on in 2020 with the virus . our faith has kind of been challenged right now. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:53:28] Well, because you know, so many of us, it's easy to live in fear. I used the analogy of how I felt when 9/11 occurred.  I was living alone. I was single. I remember being at work when it happened and remember coming home and feeling so isolated. And I, I lived at, and I remember thinking, what do I need to do? What do I need to do and tremendous fear. [00:54:00] And I feel like since that particular incident in our country, we've been living a little bit more in fear, and I want to encourage people to, you can learn resiliency.

If that's not your strong suit, you can learn it. Yeah. And again, seek out that community. But, we're not made to live in fear. We're not made to have that spirit of fear. And we have the best thing that has ever been created. And we know who wins in the end. We know where the win is. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:54:32] Definitely do. Alright. So Kelly, what makes you brave?

Kelly Knowles: [00:54:41] I have to stay  my personality. There are times when I say God, why did you make me this way? what makes me brave is that he made me this way. And what makes me brave is that I've learned that I don't have to go it alone, that I can [00:55:00] learn from others. And I think that's what makes me brave.

Alexis Newlin: [00:55:04] I love that.

Thank you so much. Love this conversation we've had. This has been so fun. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:55:12] Thank you. It's been a joy. 

Alexis Newlin: [00:55:14] And so in the show notes, I will put everywhere where people can reach you all the links to like your coaching and, the color code and any other things that are awesome about you. 

Kelly Knowles: [00:55:24] Awesome.