In this episode of The Brave Podcast, we get to hang out with Kate Montaung. Kate is the author of several books, including A Place to Land, A Start Up Guide for Writers, Influence, Building a Platform that Elevates Jesus (Not Me) which she co-authored with Shannon Popkin, and her newest book, Letters to Grief. Kate and I talk about grief on this week's episode. She shares what it was like to lose her mother to cancer and how writing helped her deal with her grieving process. She also talks about what it was like to live in South Africa as a missionary as well as sharing how she met her husband, who is South African. We talk a little about interracial marriage, being a mom to teens and how she came to know Christ.
In this episode, we discuss:
Follow the Brave Podcast
Check out more from Kate Montaung
Interested in checking out Kate’s newest book, Letters to Grief? Be sure to visit her website, where you can find out more about her and where to purchase her books.
Do you LOVE bagels? Coffee? Just plain joy?
Do you love to read but don’t have the time to sit down?
Try Audible! Get a month free: http://www.audibletrial.com/TheBravePodcast
Check Out More from A Peach In Cali
Want to be a guest on the show?
In this episode of The Brave Podcast, we get to hang out with Kate Montaung. Kate is the author of several books, including A Place to Land, A Start Up Guide for Writers, Influence, Building a Platform that Elevates Jesus (Not Me) which she co-authored with Shannon Popkin, and her newest book, Letters to Grief. Kate and I talk about grief on this week's episode. She shares what it was like to lose her mother to cancer and how writing helped her deal with her grieving process. She also talks about what it was like to live in South Africa as a missionary as well as sharing how she met her husband, who is South African. We talk a little about interracial marriage, being a mom to teens and how she came to know Christ.
In this episode, we discuss:
Follow the Brave Podcast
Check out more from Kate Montaung
Interested in checking out Kate’s newest book, Letters to Grief? Be sure to visit her website, where you can find out more about her and where to purchase her books.
Do you LOVE bagels? Coffee? Just plain joy?
Do you love to read but don’t have the time to sit down?
Try Audible! Get a month free: http://www.audibletrial.com/TheBravePodcast
Check Out More from A Peach In Cali
Want to be a guest on the show?
Letters to Grief with Kate Montaung
[00:00:00] Annoucer: [00:00:00] Hey there. I'm your host, Alexis Newland. And you're listening to the brave podcast. I am so happy. You're tuning in today each week, a friend and I get together and talk about what makes them brave. So sit back, relax, grab your favorite cup of coffee or tea and get ready for some engaging conversation.
Hey guys. Welcome to another episode of the Brave Podcast. And happy July! We're in the first week of July, which means 4th of July just happened. Hopefully you guys had some fun time with family fireworks, enjoying being outside, and that you're enjoying your summer. July also means hot, hot, hot, hot. I live in Fresno and it gets really warm here in the summer, even is hot at night.
And so when that happens, when I can, and I'm not at work. Escape to the coast or my mirror's pool. Like I just, I rather be cold than hot, but I love living here. So it's totally worth it. And the winter [00:01:00] fall and spring make it totally worth it. So I just bear with it in the summertime. So I hope you guys are staying cool and having a really good summer.
All right. My next guest is Kate month and I hope I said that correctly. she is the author of letters to grief and a place to land. She also is the host of, I guess it's host of five minute, Friday where she allows writers, a one word prompt and gives you five minutes to kind of. Right based on that word.
I've been doing that a little bit through her community and I also got to meet her at a conference last October, the brief conference in Michigan, by the way, Michigan is amazing. I loved it. There. Okay, so Kate and I talk about grief and we also talk about, her mom passing from cancer, her time in Cape town, along with various other things.
I think you'll love her interview. So without further ado here is my interview with Kate [00:02:00] Montaung.
Alexis Newlin: [00:02:04] Hello there. This is Alexis Newlin and you're listening to the brave podcast. And on today I have my friend Kate, and I'm going to butcher your last name.
Kate Montaung: [00:02:13] That's okay. It's pronounced Motaung.
Oops. Okay.
Alexis Newlin: [00:02:17] I totally was saying something completely different when I was telling people I was interviewing you most people here.
Kate Montaung: [00:02:24] Don't worry. I've been called many things.
Okay,
Alexis Newlin: [00:02:27] So Kate, tell us a little bit about yourself and why you're awesome.
Kate Montaung: [00:02:31] Oh, well, thank you so much for having me Alexis. I'm really glad to be here. yeah, so my name is Kate Motaung and my last name is actually South African because my husband is South African. He's part of the Swana culture, which is not commonly heard in the U S but I'm married to South African and we have three children who are now 18, 15 and 13. So we are living the parenting teens life, these days, but it's been a blessing. [00:03:00] And, I did live in Cape town, South Africa for 10 years, but we now live in Michigan.
Alexis Newlin: [00:03:06] Wow. What was that like living in Cape town in Africa?
Kate Montaung: [00:03:11] I loved it. I mean, I could go on and on about life there and the differences and similarities, but overall I love the people. I love the scenery. I love there are so many different cultures, so I really appreciated that. I loved our church there. You know, ...I have more fear there because there's higher crime rates in the city. So that was not my favorite part, but overall, I really love South Africa. It's it's a second home.
Alexis Newlin: [00:03:38] Oh, very cool. Do You get to go back often?
Kate Montaung: [00:03:42] You know, we have not. We've been in Michigan for seven years now and the kids and I have only been back once we went after five and a half years, and then my husband went a second time. About a year later
Alexis Newlin: [00:03:55] . Very cool. . And so , you have two books or actually several books, and your first [00:04:00] one is called a place to land. And it's about, finding a place to call home, is that correct?
Kate Montaung: [00:04:05] Yes. Yeah. It talks a lot about that experience of living in South Africa for 10 years as an American and building a family there, having our children there, but still feeling like Michigan was home.
And during that time, my mom got sick with cancer and ended up passing away while, while I was living in Cape town. And after she died, I started thinking a lot more about heaven. As the eternal home of the believer for those who trust in Jesus. And so the book sort of grew out of that experience of me questioning, where is home?
Is it Michigan? Is it Cape town? And ultimately finding the answer that, because I'm a Christian, my, my real home is with the Lord in eternity.
Alexis Newlin: [00:04:51] Okay. How long did it take you to write that book?
Kate Montaung: [00:04:56] Oh, the whole process from start to finish was about [00:05:00] four years, which is longer than most. We did have some delays in terms of the actual publishing process where we push back the publication date a couple of times, but it was also a lot of back and forth with my editor, which I was very thankful for, because it's my story. I wanted to really make sure that those were the words that I wanted to have published. I didn't want to feel rushed. I wanted to have time to let it simmer and marinate a little bit so that I was confident that that's really how I wanted it to go out.
I'm thankful for the time that it took, but it did feel like a long time when I was in the middle of it.
Alexis Newlin: [00:05:39] I can imagine. Is it scary? Like putting a book out there? I've always because I hope to have one published one day, but like once you have your words out there for the whole world to see, is that like a scary feeling?
Kate Montaung: [00:05:51] Yes. It was terrifying at many times. I often questioned what I was doing and whether it would be worth it. [00:06:00] And I had the whole range of emotions, like "who even cares", you know, "what's the point?" "Why am I doing this? "But ultimately having to trust that if the Lord was calling me to do that, that He would also equip me and that the words that he wanted to have in the book would end up.
Being in the final draft and the final version. So it was a good trust exercise in the lower that even though I was scared of. What people might say or think that ultimately I had to just believe that it was in His hands and He had a purpose. And even if I never found out what that purpose was, that He would still accomplish those purposes through the book.
Alexis Newlin: [00:06:42] Were you a writer before you started this book? Was that your profession?
Kate Montaung: [00:06:47] No. I started a blog while my mom was sick and it was really more for myself in the beginning. It was sort of just a, a therapeutic online journal, really. I even called [00:07:00] it reflection therapy because it was like my free therapy to cope with what was going on.
I would process things through writing, but I had never, I didn't really have aspirations to be a writer. I liked writing, but it was more just a hobby. And I found that that's how I was able to really process, you know, difficult things. So it really grew from there. And I started out really writing from myself.
And then as time went on, the Lord sort of showed me, no, you can also use this to be a blessing to other people. So I tried to shift my focus a little bit and be more proactive about catering my message to in a way that it would perhaps be a blessing and encouragement to other people besides just helping me process.
Alexis Newlin: [00:07:47] I've read it. And I remember like, cause my mom also passed away from cancer and it'll be 10 years this year. And , I remember , as I was reading your words, I would go back to what I dealt with with my mom and I, things that I [00:08:00] thought that I had coped with, like had been over, found myself like crying over them again.
I'm like, wow. I thought I kind of dealt with this. And, This kind of ties into your book, grief. Like you think that grief is like one and done. And I remember like when I first, my mom first passed and I was in my master's program, like taking a, like a couple of psych classes. And one of my teachers said that you should probably deal with grief for about two weeks.
And then after that, you might be worried that you might have depression. So I was like, Oh shoot. And I just closed up and was like, I'm done with this. My mom's passed . It will be okay. And then kind of live like that for a year and was a thought that grieving was a bad thing. And my pastor's like, no, you're, your teacher was completely wrong.
It is okay to grieve. And that's why I liked your book so much. The images that you use in your writing about grief, you put like, it's almost like a person, like you make it like a physical thing. And I, I love that. Cause that's what it feels like.
Kate Montaung: [00:08:56] Oh, well, I'm glad it was helpful. And I'm so sorry that you had that experience [00:09:00] where someone did that to you and put a time limit on it . And the other book that I wrote Letters to Grief, it, for me, it was a way of expressing that grief is not limited. It's not finite, it's not even linear. And I think a lot of people, particularly in the field of psychology, like to put grief into its own little boxes where here's stage one, stage two stage one, and they call them the five stages of grief.
And that is probably true that there are these different facets, but I don't believe that grief is something that you really graduate from or that, you know, once you've made it through the five stages that you're now free of it, and my experience has been more cyclical. And so I try to give words to that.
You know, for people who are experiencing grief, not to say, this is how you should do it, but just to give them language to articulate that. [00:10:00] And in one of the metaphors I use that I say it's more like the phases of the moon that sometimes you can't see the moon, but it's still there.
Alexis Newlin: [00:10:09] Yeah.
Kate Montaung: [00:10:10] I think for me, you know, sometimes I can't see my grief right in front of my face, but it doesn't mean that it's gone. It's still there. And then other times it's a lot brighter and you know, in full force. So, I obviously over time, as you know, it's not as prevalent, but there are still things that can trigger, you know, and you never really know when it's going to come and there's no shame in that.
And I think we need to give ourselves grace to realize that when we love people and we lose them, they'll always be part of us. And we'll always sense that loss in different capacities at different times.
Alexis Newlin: [00:10:50] Yeah. I totally agree with that. And especially the grace part, like I know when I was going through my mom passing and I would get sad because it obviously, cause she's [00:11:00] a big part of my life and she was gone. I would get angry at myself for like, I should be over this right now. And I think a lot of people do that when they're grieving. Like I shouldn't let this bother me so much. Like I need to move on. And yeah. Grace is so important.
Kate Montaung: [00:11:14] Yeah. I think especially if, when people feel that. Others have expectations on you. Like you mentioned, you know, someone says to you, Oh, you should be over it in two weeks or whatever the time frame might be that someone would say, then it's almost like we feel guilty. Like we're doing something wrong and other people, you know, what will they think if they see me crying again, or what will they think if I start crying in church and you know, to what other people will think, because time has passed, but the reality is it's it's okay to still feel sad months and years later. I think the key is not to, be consumed by it, to still have a sense of hope and to realize that [00:12:00] God is still good. And he's still working in us in spite of our grief and in the midst of our grief and that it doesn't become our sole identity that we don't become.
Yeah, for lack of a better word consumed by the grief, but that we live alongside it and side by side it's part of us, but it shouldn't be the entirety of who we are.
Alexis Newlin: [00:12:25] Yes, exactly. So in your book, your book is small. Was there a reason you did that for when you wrote this book?
Kate Montaung: [00:12:33] Yeah. With letters to grief, I intentionally kept it short just because I think when people are grieving, most people don't want to read a full length book about grief.
You know, it's like, why would I want to sit down and read a full book about grief? I'm already feeling crummy. I don't want someone else to tell me, you know, she remind me of how bad I'm feeling. It's, it's broken up into nine letters to grief . You know, my hope is that people [00:13:00] can just pick it up and read a short letter.
Each letter just takes a couple of minutes to read, and then if they need to put it down, that's fine. And they can come back later. Or if they want to read the whole thing at once. But my goal was just to give a shorter, concise, dose, I suppose of hope. And most people who have read it say, you, you gave words to what I've been feeling, that they couldn't really articulate how they were feeling, but this book helps them to have the language.
So even for people, maybe who haven't necessarily lost someone significant themselves, but know other people who have my hope is that even if they were to read it, that they might be able to better understand what those other people are going through, who have experienced deeper losses.
Alexis Newlin: [00:13:49] Okay. Yeah, I really cause I that's what I love the most about it. Cause it was short and then it had like so much hope at the end of like. Each letter. And I liked that too. Cause some of the [00:14:00] grief books that I've read, they give you like advice of how the deal, but this totally doesn't, it just tells you what kind of shows you, what grief looks like. And then also like gives you so much hope in the end with Bible verses.
And it just, it's like a breath of fresh air for someone who is dealing with grief to kind of be like, Oh, okay, this is how I feel. And there is hope at the end of this.
Kate Montaung: [00:14:19] I'm glad that it did that for you. Yeah. The description. I think maybe the Amazon listing, I, I explained that it's the goal of the book is that it would be descriptive, not necessarily prescriptive, but there's also a danger in prescribing to someone how they should be grieving because it is so different for every person.
And it's even different from day to day with the same person, you know, that from hour to hour, especially in their early days, that you don't know what you might be feeling at that time. So it's really meant to. Be more descriptive and not necessarily a how to, how to grieve book.
Alexis Newlin: [00:14:58] Okay. I wanted to [00:15:00] jump back to your other book really quick. So when you were writing that one, did some of these grief feelings come back up that you re-experience your grief?
Kate Montaung: [00:15:08] Oh, absolutely. I can't tell you how many times I cried and then cried again, same chapters have a place to lean on because I knew that if it was going to be. Impactful for the reader. I couldn't avoid the reality of how it was for me.
I couldn't skim or sort of just skim the surface of what the experience was like. I had to really find the words to articulate what it felt like at that time. And so I did my best to. Really dig deep and feel that again, which was awful. Like I it's draining, you know, it was exhausting and there were many days that I just didn't want to do it.
I had to sort of build up some stamina to take myself to that place. But in [00:16:00] the end, I really believe that it was therapeutic to do that. And I think it did end up being more, meaningful. Like it did achieve the goal that I was intending for that, but. I'm really grateful that I didn't just give a condensed or a shallow version because it helped me to work through it without even realizing it so that when I came out of that, it actually was, I actually, wasn't a better place.
Alexis Newlin: [00:16:29] Yeah. It's a beautifully written book. Like I really, really enjoyed it and be like you said, like reading it, like reminded me of my own experiences and. How have it helped me to reflect back on what it was like. And so I liked it. It was a really good book. Yeah. All right. So I'm trying to think of what else to ask, let's see. What are your goals for this year? Like for more, or do you have more writing planned?
Kate Montaung: [00:17:00] [00:17:00] Yeah, it's I mean, I think it's an interesting time right now with the Corona virus situation happening, it's thrown some things for a bit of a loop, but I do still work. I work as a content manager and a writer and editor for some different online clients.
So a lot of my energy right now is going toward that. I also run the five minute, Friday writing community, mine.
Alexis Newlin: [00:17:25] Yeah, that's right.
Kate Montaung: [00:17:26] .I really enjoy that space as well. And trying to serve that community of writers. And I do have some side projects going as well. I'd like to focus on helping people tell their story as well.
That's a passion of mine. So I'm working on a project related to that at the same time. So we'll ask you, how did you get Five minute, Friday started? Like what had you bring, come up with that idea? It actually, wasn't my idea. I inherited it from an author named Lisa Joe Baker. Are you familar with her at all?
[00:18:00] Alexis Newlin: [00:17:59] Yes. Yes.
Kate Montaung: [00:18:01] Yeah. She's written a few books. Her first one was called surprised by motherhood. And then her most recent book is called the middle matters. So she's a blogger and she started it. She actually had the idea one day she realized she had five minutes. Her husband was busy occupying her kids. And she was, I don't remember if she was, just finished the dishes or what it was she had between loads of laundry and she thought, what could I do with these five minutes?
All my kids are not in my face. And she thought, "what if I wrote for five minutes?" And then she thought, "what if I invited other people, you know, the next week to write with me for five minutes?" And so she started providing a one word writing prompt once a week, and encourage people to just free write for five minutes flat.
On that particular word prompt or the week and built this community around that writing exercise. And she hosted it for three or four years, I think. And I've had it for the past five years that I've been doing that week after [00:19:00] week. And I've kind of built it out from there where I offer articles and courses and other things for writers that I hope will be helpful for them, for those who write just as a hobby and also those who are hoping to be published someday.
Alexis Newlin: [00:19:15] Yeah. And it's helpful. I've done it a couple of times and sometimes I find it hard to stick in that five minute limit, but it's a good like, practice on just to free write into like, get your words out there and to stay on topics. I like it's a cool activity.
Kate Montaung: [00:19:29] Yeah. It's a lot of fun. I think it helps for those, especially who. Struggled to get started. And also those who are a little bit paralyzed by what do I say and how do I make it perfect. Because as I say on the website, you know, there's no overthinking. No, I haven't said like, don't even edit, don't even go back and fix things, just, just write.
Just set a timer and write, and don't worry about how good it is or how bad it is. And then you can always go back later on if you want to do something else a bit. So it's a good way to just get those [00:20:00] creative juices flowing.
Alexis Newlin: [00:20:01] Not editing is so hard for me. Like I see any wrong thing and I go back and delete it and then start again and go back and delete it and like, okay, just write what I need to, and then go back and fix it
Right. I can relate to that.
I over edit. Yeah. Very cool. So you are a mom now of two teenagers. What is that like?
Kate Montaung: [00:20:22] Yeah, it's It's interesting now I think that's, I'm very thankful and the Lord's been very gracious. It's every phase of parenthood. I think you learn more about yourself and about your kids and you know, when they're really little, I think it's more.
Maybe physically demanding in terms of having to change diapers and feed them and carry them and bathe them. And then as they get older and they can do more of those things themselves, I think the challenges become more emotional and spiritual as you're trying to really. help them grow and mature and also get them ready [00:21:00] to leave the house.
So just finding that balance of wanting to support them, but also encourage them towards independence while still staying on the path of obedience to the Lord. So it's definitely an exercise and depending on his grace and recognize how. how much I fail and needing to practice repentance and asking for forgiveness often, but, I'm very thankful for my kids.
Alexis Newlin: [00:21:27] Is your 18 year old going off to college soon?
Kate Montaung: [00:21:31] No. he's actually out of the house already. And then we've got two more at home who are 15 and 13.
Alexis Newlin: [00:21:37] Wow. That's really cool. Yeah. And so how did you and your husband meet.
Kate Montaung: [00:21:47] Well, I attended a Bible college in Michigan and, I was nearly finished with my degree, but I have three subjects left that were only offered in the spring semester and I was a missions [00:22:00] major.
And so I had the entire fall semester with nothing to do really, because I didn't have any classes to take. And so I went to my missions professor and said, I want to go to Africa. And I was very general and just said, Africa like the whole continent. I didn't even specify a country. And my professor knew a family from South Africa.
The twin boys actually attended Bible college with me for a year in Michigan. So my professor recommended Cape town, South Africa. And I said, sure. I didn't know anything about Cape town or the country of South Africa, but I just, I committed to going four or five months, and this was back in 2002. I was, my plan was just to volunteer at a campus ministry, but it turned out that I actually could go on a study permit and study part time at a Bible college in Cape town to finish my degree there so that I wouldn't actually even have to come [00:23:00] back to the States to finish my degree here.
So. Okay. But I still thought that I was only going for one semester when I left. So I went in July and ended up meeting my husband and I actually did decide to stay on before we started dating. So yeah, the permit, but technically we met, so. Let me back up a little bit. Before I went, it was already decided for me, which church I would attend there and which classes I would take part time at the Bible college on Tuesdays and Thursdays and where I would be working in campus ministry on Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
And when I got there, I met the man who's now my husband on Sunday at the church that I was attending. And then Monday, Wednesday, Friday, we shared this tiny little office on campus doing the same campus ministry. And then on Tuesdays and Thursdays, we were in the same classes at Bible college. [00:24:00] We saw each other six days a week.
And his version of the story is that I was stalking him. He says, you found me here. But I say, no, all those things were already planned for me before I even got there. But obviously the Lord wanted us together and we couldn't get away from each other. So it was back in 2002 and it will be, it'll be 16 years in June this year that we've been married.
Alexis Newlin: [00:24:28] Wow. Congratulations. What's it scary going over there by yourself? Like not knowing that Cape town, not knowing much about the culture.
Kate Montaung: [00:24:40] Yeah, I think I was mostly excited. I mean, I was only 21 and it was an adventure. I was missions major. I'd been on a couple of different international short term trips, but that was the longest I'd ever been out of the country.
And so I think in the beginning I was mostly excited. [00:25:00] And even in the first few months, everything was just beautiful and new and stimulating. And I just, I was taking it all in and this honeymoon phase. And then it was really only when I committed to the relationship with my husband now, even before we were married, when we decided to start a relationship with the view towards marriage, I think that's when the reality set in a bit more. Where I realized, you know, if I do marry this man, I'm also marrying his culture and his country. And at that time we didn't have plans to live in the States. We assumed that we would be living in South Africa forever. So I did experience a sense of loss at that point and grieving what I would be missing in the States. Mostly relationally. You know, I was still fairly young. A lot of my friends were about to get married and then [00:26:00] start having children. And I thought of all the weddings I would miss and birthdays and babies being born. And so that I did experience a grieving process over that, but it never really, I didn't doubt whether I was supposed to do it. I was just counting the cost, you know?
So there were, there were some ups and downs, and even after we got married, I did cry a lot about missing my family and missing my friends in the States, but I was always confident and sure that that's where I was supposed to be.
Alexis Newlin: [00:26:37] Yeah. So you guys are both two different races. Did that feel, how was that? Like, I've always wondered how that feels like being married to a black man and him being married to you,did you guys find conflict with the races or how people perceived you guys?
Kate Montaung: [00:26:54] You know, thankfully, we we've been very blessed in that way. I know it does not happen that [00:27:00] way for everyone. And particularly, in South Africa where they have a history of apartheid and so much, racial segregation and racism in their past, it was surprising that we didn't bump up against it as much.
I think I will say. Back then, like when we were dating and engaged, if we would walk down the street, holding hands, people definitely looked like they was not something that they were used to seeing. And so we got a lot of stairs, but we didn't get really verbal hostility. I do think the fact that I was American helped a lot, that I am a lot because their experience with oppression was.
So the African against South African white. So the Africans against blacks with Africans. And so they don't necessarily blame white foreigners or Westerners for their [00:28:00] experience that they had with apartheid. So I think in that sense, I, I don't want to say I was off the hook, but they didn't see me as an enemy and that, you know, so, and that way, you know, we, we were blessed. My husband's family is amazing. They were, so they're just wonderful. I've always felt so loved and supported by them. and ultimately, because we're both believers, that is really what, You know, drives our relationship and is the foundation of the relationship and why we are so similar and like minded because we have the same faith and the same beliefs and morals.
And so in that sense, where a lot more alike than even people from our respective cultures who aren't believers. We have more in common in that way. So that's a blessing. And we still joke even now about different phrases or way, ways, things are said [00:29:00] in our cultures that are different from each other.
And. You know, when I got pregnant the first time I actually, I prayed Lord, please don't let it be a girl because I don't know what I'll do with her hair. I had a girl and it took me about nine years to figure out what to do with her hair, but I, I can finally braid now. So it's taken me a while. but yes, we overall, you know, it's, I really don't have any complaints and we haven't experienced a lot of the challenges that I think a lot of other mixed races race couples have had.
Yeah. Do you mind sharing a little bit about how you became a Christian? Yeah. I was raised in a Christian home. my dad left when I was seven, but my mom was a believer.
And so she always took me to church and I had a younger sister at home and we were always part of Sunday school and youth group. And the church was like our extended family in that [00:30:00] way. I think even more so because my mom was a single mom. So they were very supportive and, you know, provided for us by babysitting and they provided, you know, turkeys and hams at Christmas and things like that because we didn't have as much as others, some other families.
And we're just always so generous. So I have good memories of growing up in the church, but then once high school came, I definitely. Lived more of a double life. And I still call myself a Christian and I still went to youth group, but then I had other, another group of friends that I would hang out with on the weekends and party and act, not like a Christian.
So I think, you know, I lived that way for a couple of years in high school. And it was only in my first year of college that the Lord really showed me that I had to pick a side. You know, I couldn't keep living this double life. It had to be, I had to be all [00:31:00] in one way or the other. And so I realized at that point and my first year of college that I didn't want to live apart from him.
I wanted to live with Him. And so, I, he really did a work in my heart and kept me know since then I had. I pivoted and came back onto the course and he's been carrying me ever since then.
Alexis Newlin: [00:31:29] Cool. Thank you for sharing that story. All right. So is anything that you're loving right now in your life?
Kate Montaung: [00:31:38] Oh, well, my daughter's been doing lots of baking all we've been home. I do like free stuff. I've been enjoying, having more time to read. I love books and supporting authors as well. And so that's been a blessing too, when I, you know, when the kids are at school, instead of doing school at home, there's a lot more driving and activities and other things [00:32:00] going on. So it's been good to just be at home more with my family and thankful for that.
I'm really grateful for this time that we've had living in Michigan, just being closer to family here with a very close to Lake Michigan. So we can go to the beach when it's warm enough and, just, yeah, grateful for all that. The Lord has done for us and given to us during this time and looking forward to seeing what's coming next.
Alexis Newlin: [00:32:28] Cool. And then as we wrap up, what is like one piece of nugget of advice you can give to someone who is dealing with grief?
Kate Montaung: [00:32:39] You know, I would say don't compare your experience to anyone else's and don't. Set an expectation for yourself. Like you had mentioned earlier with when someone told you that you should be over after two weeks, you know, that you wouldn't give yourself even a time limit necessarily.
But as we [00:33:00] said before, just to give yourself grace and not think that you need to follow a particular template or specific steps to grieve, because it is so fluid and it can be a more cyclical. And I think the other thing is just to remember that God is faithful and he is trustworthy. And even when things don't go the way that we hope that he's still a God and he's still good.
And He, if you love him, he will absolutely work everything out for your good, which really means, you know, to shape us into the image of his son, through the circumstances in our lives. So. To have that hope that this is not the end, that there's more to come and that when we trust in him, our ultimate hope and home is with him in eternity.
Alexis Newlin: [00:33:56] Thank you so much, Kate.
Annoucer: [00:33:57] Hi guys. Thanks so much for tuning into [00:34:00] another episode of the brave podcast. I really hope you enjoyed my interview with Kate today. My big takeaway from this episode was it is honestly okay to grieve. If you are struggling with something, a loss. Divorce a death, anything. It is natural to grieve that it is completely natural and human, and there's really nothing wrong with you.
It's so natural, honest response to the loss. And so in that eye, if you are a believer, I asked you to go to the board with those feelings. If you're really struggling on top of going to God, going into a counselor, talking to a friend, basically having someone to process those feelings with and knowing that they're okay in that it does get better.
So I have a treat for you guys. Kate is going to read a small chapter or a small letter from her book. So be sure to tune into that at the end of this podcast. Again, thank you [00:35:00] guys so much for tuning in. Next week is my friend April Jones. And she is on talking about her book, No mess, No message. I had so much fun talking to April and we found out just through chatting that we had a lot of people in common. So you'll kind of hear that in our conversation.
All right, guys. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. Oh my three asks. I almost forgot. Oh my gosh. First download an episode. It helps, you know, when new episodes are out or I am blanking here, guys, it helps, you know, when new episodes are out second, ratings ratings helps me know that you guys are liking what you're hearing and things they may need to work on.
I love when you guys give me feedback through text messages, through messages on Instagram, Facebook, I would really, really love some. Feedback on Apple iTunes. Thank you guys too so much for those of you have done it before for me. I really appreciate it. And then [00:36:00] finally, if you find something in today's episode that would help another person, please share the episode with a friend.
It helps get the word out. All right. So be sure to tune in to Kate's reading from her book letters degree, and I will put all info about her in the show notes. Thank you guys for tuning in and we'll see you next week. Bye.
Kate Montaung: [00:36:24] This is letter number two of the book letters to grief written and read by Kate Montaung. Dear grief. I woke up one morning and you were in my house. Uninvited. Nobody asked you to come, but there you were all moved in. Just like you owned the place. You sat down at the kitchen table and declared yourself part of the family.
A permanent resident, not going anywhere. I bristled at you at first, tried to shake you off. I gave you the cold shoulder and ignored. You snapped at you. Even when you made me mad. [00:37:00] I tried and tried to get rid of you, but you refused to leave. Now I've grown used to you. You've become a part of me really.
When I fear you've left me alone. I'm relieved to see you walking down the gravel road toward me and I rushed down the driveway to meet you. We embraced in the breeze. Dust kicked up in clouds, wafting from the ground. You are my constant companion, my invisible friend. I take you with me wherever I go.
You're my shadow. I sit with you on the front porch swing and together we rock back and forth. As we watched the sun melt into the horizon and we wait, we wait for the day when he will return the one who became flesh and made his dwelling among us. He will come back and then you, and I will bet each other one final farewell.
He will replace you and you'll lose your place in the house of my heart forever. [00:38:00]